Really funny jokes-I am rich

O.M.G., I'm rich!

Silver in the Hair

Gold in the Teeth

Crystals in the Kidneys

Sugar in the Blood

Lead in the Arse

Iron in the Arteries

And

An inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth, now I can buy that gold-plated yacht and the Bentley.

Little Johnny jokes-Filling tank

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, "Hey Dad! What are you doing?"

His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank."

Little Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning."

Funny jokes-Lantern with a genie

A New Brunswicker, a Quebecer, and a Newfie were walking down the road together and they bumped into a lantern with a genie inside.

Out pops the genie and he says, "I will grant you one wish each. Who wants to go first?"

The New Brunswicker says, "Me, I want to go first."

So the genie replies, "Ok, what is your wish?"

The New Brunswicker said, "My wish is to have a 2-lane highway across New Brunswick, smooth as a baby's arse!"

The genie said, "Poof! There you go. A highway as smooth as a baby's arse!"

The Quebecer pipes up and says, "Well I am going next!

Genie, I want a 20-foot wall around the border of Quebec to keep all the damn Englishmen out!"

Genie, "Poof! There's your 20-foot wall. Now Newfie, it is your turn.

What do you want?"

The Newfie looks at the genie and asks, "Genie, is that wall you just put around Quebec waterproof?"

Genie, "Yep!"

Newfie, "Filler up!"

One line jokes-Cholesterol

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Really funny jokes-Three Spanish tourists

Three Spanish tourists are up in a tree in Mexico when a policeman sees them.

"What are you doing up there?

Come on men, get down. Let's not have any of you falling and getting hurt!"

The guys get down ... "Ok. Now, who are you?"

"Wow, what a memory! We are the Spanish dudes from the tree!"

Hilarious jokes-Danish man

The Danish man had a problem. His wife was coming home on the train but he could not remember if she was coming at 8:40 or 4:80.

Birthday jokes-Present

Forget about the past, you can't change it.

Forget about the future, you can't predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

Funny jokes-Good trade

A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.

"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."

One line jokes-Drinking in the New Year

When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year, I gave up thinking.

Really funny jokes-Stupid Bank robber

In Bowie, Maryland USA, a robber entered a bank and gave a teller a note demanding cash. After his demand was honoured, he fled. Upon returning home, he was amazed to find the police waiting for him. It appears he had written the note on the back of his bank deposit slip.

Animal jokes-A donkey called Dobbin

Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roads. Luckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.

He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, 'Pull, Dolly, pull!' Dobbin didn't move one inch.

Then the farmer yelled, 'Pull, Robbie, pull.' Still Dobbin failed to respond.

Once more the farmer commanded in a stentorian voice, 'Pull, Ringo, pull.' Again - nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly and quietly muttered, 'Pull, Dobbin, pull.' Immediately the donkey easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

Desmond was very appreciative but also very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his donkey by a different name three times.

The farmer whispered by way of reply, 'Oh, Dobbin is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try.'

Hilarious jokes-History or Geography

First thing one Monday morning, a robber broke into the bank, and pointed his guns at the cashier said,

'Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!'

The cashier laughed and said, 'You mean to say 'HISTORY.'

The robber answered, 'Don't change the subject.'

Italian jokes-Hands in pocket

What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pocket?

A mute.

Funny jokes-Survivor

Network TV is reported to be developing a Texas version of "Survivor," the popular TV show.

Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and Lubbock.

Each will be driving a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: "I voted for Kerry, I'm gay, and I'm here to take your guns."

The first contestant to complete the round trip is the winner.