Funny jokes-Good trade

A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.

"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."

One line jokes-Drinking in the New Year

When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year, I gave up thinking.

Really funny jokes-Stupid Bank robber

In Bowie, Maryland USA, a robber entered a bank and gave a teller a note demanding cash. After his demand was honoured, he fled. Upon returning home, he was amazed to find the police waiting for him. It appears he had written the note on the back of his bank deposit slip.

Animal jokes-A donkey called Dobbin

Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roads. Luckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.

He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, 'Pull, Dolly, pull!' Dobbin didn't move one inch.

Then the farmer yelled, 'Pull, Robbie, pull.' Still Dobbin failed to respond.

Once more the farmer commanded in a stentorian voice, 'Pull, Ringo, pull.' Again - nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly and quietly muttered, 'Pull, Dobbin, pull.' Immediately the donkey easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

Desmond was very appreciative but also very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his donkey by a different name three times.

The farmer whispered by way of reply, 'Oh, Dobbin is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try.'

Hilarious jokes-History or Geography

First thing one Monday morning, a robber broke into the bank, and pointed his guns at the cashier said,

'Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!'

The cashier laughed and said, 'You mean to say 'HISTORY.'

The robber answered, 'Don't change the subject.'

Italian jokes-Hands in pocket

What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pocket?

A mute.

Funny jokes-Survivor

Network TV is reported to be developing a Texas version of "Survivor," the popular TV show.

Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and Lubbock.

Each will be driving a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: "I voted for Kerry, I'm gay, and I'm here to take your guns."

The first contestant to complete the round trip is the winner.

Birthday jokes-Train seat

Why was the stationmaster's son having a cake on a train seat?

It was his berth-day.

Really funny jokes-FIAT

What does FIAT stand for?

* Fix it again Tony

* Failure in Italian Automotive Technology

* Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

* Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights

Clean jokes-Out of the pool

How do you get 100 Canadians out of a swimming pool on the hottest day of the summer?

Just yell "Ok now, everyone out of the pool!"

Funny jokes-Hillbilly

What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a hillbilly?

The good ol' boy raises livestock. The hillbilly gets emotionally involved.

One line jokes-Missing mass of the universe

"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not in cockroaches."
– a New York City tenant.

Hilarious jokes-Birthday party

A lady is throwing a Birthday party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out.. a caterer, band, and a hired clown.

Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout.

Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back.

Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time.

But the clown hadn't shown up.

After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself.

She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn.

She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air.

She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous.

I have never seen such a thing.

Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"

The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. 'HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

Finance jokes-Sell it all

A man calls his stockbroker all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice. He says, "Sell it all, sell everything fast, right away." The stockbroker tries to explain that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be.
The man says, "Let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5 years."
"Yes, go on," the stockbroker says.
"Well. My wife has this thing about the market. Her grandparents lost it all in the great crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to original sin. When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the stock market and always leave all our money under the mattress."
"Wow, I didn't know that. I guess you want the money because the market is going down, in case she asks for it."
"No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days."