Really funny jokes-Cheerleader

Q. How does a cheerleader answer the phone?

A. H-E-L-L-O!

Hilarious jokes-Confucius Reexamined

* Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

* Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

* Man with one chopstick go hungry.

* Man who scratches bum should not bite fingernails.

Funny jokes-Lost a thong

Fred sees an old Abo walking down the road, apparently oblivious to the fact that he's wearing only one thong.

"Hey, Jackie" calls out Fred, "You've lost a thong!".

"Nah, mate" says the old Abo, "I've just found one".

Celebrity jokes-Oprah Winfrey virus

Q: What is the Oprah Winfrey virus?

A: Your 250GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 90GB, and then slowly expands to 500GB.

Blonde jokes-Head and shoulders

There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders."

The blonde then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"

Finance jokes-Yachts

A good old joke: A long time ago, a visitor from out of town came to a tour in Manhattan. At the end of the tour they took him to the financial district. When they arrived to Battery Park the guide showed him some nice yachts anchoring there, and said, "Here are the yachts of our bankers and stockbrokers."

"And where are the yachts of the investors?" asked the naive visitor.

One line jokes-Paranoids

If you want to know more about paranoids, follow them around.

Really funny jokes-A Miracle

One morning a man came into the church on crutches.

He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.

An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.

"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said.

"Tell me where is this man now?"

"Flat on his arse over by the holy water," said the boy.

SMS jokes-Skeleton

Q. Why didn't the skeleton need a telephone?

A. He had no body to talk with!

Funny jokes-Lipstick problem

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm.

They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

Celebrity jokes-Brad and Angelina

Q: What did Brad Pitt say when Angelina brought her mixed race kids and family to Brad's Malibu Mansion?

A: What will the neighbors say?

Really funny jokes-Wee button

Mr. Smith comes to his wife, "Honey, could you be sewing on a wee button that's come off of my fly? I cannot button my pants."

"Oh Dear ... I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. Jones could be helping you with it."

About five minutes later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Mr. Smith.

Mrs. Smith looks at him and says, "My god, what happened to you? Did you ask her like I told you?"

"Yeah," says Mr. Smith. "I asked her to sew on the wee button and she did.

Everything was going fine but when she bent on to bite off the wee thread, Mr. Jones walked in..."

Clean jokes-Empty

Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."

"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."

That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.

Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."

Short funny jokes-Cheapest time

Q. What is the cheapest time to call your friends long distance?

A. When they're not home!