Really funny jokes-Breaking into a bank

Two thieves break into a bank in the middle of the night and open a safe. There is only some yogurt, but no money. They taste the yogurt. It's tainted.
The men open the next safe.
There is some yogurt too, it tastes much better but again - no money.
The thieves take on another safe. And there's yogurt again.

"John, why don't you go outside and look if it is indeed a bank!" says one to the other, and sits down to eat the yogurt which tastes really fresh and nutritious this time.

A couple of minutes late there comes John. "It is definitely a bank!"
"What exactly did the sign say?"
"The Sperm Bank of Ohio!"

Good jokes-Twice a week

Question. How does a woman know the man is cheating on her?

Answer. He starts bathing twice a week.

Insurance jokes-Highly honored

You ought to feel highly honored," said the businessman to the life insurance agent, "so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents."

"Yes, I know," replied the agent, "I'm one of them."

Really funny jokes-Mr. Jay Leno of the Tonight Show

When Mr. Leno of the Tonight Show went J-walking and asked pedestrians some science questions, he discovered some amazing new facts about the universe:

Jay Leno: "Why does dew appear on plants in the morning when the Sun comes up?"
A waitress: "Is it because the Sun makes them perspire?"

Jay Leno: "Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?"
An auto mechanic: "To get to the other side?"

Jay Leno: What are magnets?"
A taxi driver: "Are they the things crawling over a week-old dead cat?"

Jay Leno: Which is more useful, the Sun or the Moon?"
A thirteen-year old: [Pause] "I think it's the Moon because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the Sun shines during the day when you don't need it."

Clean jokes-American colonists

What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?

Liberty!

Finance jokes-Stockbroker frog

Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"

One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!"

The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!"

Short funny jokes-50 cent piece

Q: What did the Mexican do with his first 50 cent piece?

A: He married her.

Really funny jokes-Husband's dentures

So a lady goes into a dentists office, gets on a chair and spreads her legs far apart.

The doctor is shocked to see this so he says: "Excuse me, miss, you must have the wrong place, this is a dentist's office."

The lady answers back: "Well, didn't you put my husband's dentures in last week?" the lady says.

The doctor nodded.

"Well," the lady said, "now you have to get them out."

One line jokes-Understandable

If it is true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why mothers cry at weddings.

Funny jokes-Signs your girlfriend is going to dump you

Signs Your Girlfriend Is Going To Dump You...

-- Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit.

-- She's been wearing an engagement ring for three weeks, but you don't recall proposing to her.

-- She just started a college course that meets seven nights a week.

-- She says she has to tell you something... on Jerry Springer.

-- Whenever she introduces you it's always "I would like you to meet an old friend of mine..."

-- She leaves a message on your phone and identifies herself by both her first and last names.

-- Your other girlfriend told you so.

-- The dartboard behind your photo on her wall.

-- Her girlfriends look at you, tilt their heads, and say, "You haven't got a clue, do you?"

Hilarious jokes-Marriage and a mental hospital

Question. What's the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?

Answer. At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.

Really funny jokes-Insulting in an Appreciating Manner

Insulting in an Appreciating Mannerr

"You're so smart, for an American."

"You don't sweat that much for a fat girl!"

"I'm amazed by the level of success readers have after following your advice."

"Your plastic surgeon has such a delightful sense of humor!"

"Relax, sweetie... you were perfectly adequate."

"You're more of a "street smart" kind of guy."

"You're not the kind of girl guys date; you're the kind of girl they marry."

"You're so evolved…for a man."
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Good jokes-Name of Ranch

Once upon a time, somewhere in Europe, a family with three sons lived on a farm. As the farm was too small to support all of them, and the parents were not yet ready to retire, the sons decided to emigrate to South America, where they bought a ranch and raised beef cattle.

Question: So what did they call their ranch?
Answer: They called it “Focus”, because that’s where the sun’s rays meet (sons raise meat).

Lawyer jokes-Sleeping Juror

A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Your Honor! One of the jurors is asleep."

The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep... You wake him up."