Funny jokes-Nasty pick up lines

1. Wanna play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me.

2. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

3. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

4. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

Adult jokes-At 82

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can make love at 82!
I'm sooooo happy, because I live at 74 ..... so it's not far to walk home afterwards.

Really funny jokes-Three pregnant women

Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having lunch, when one of them says, "I know that I'm going to have a boy."

The other two women think about that for a moment, and then one of them says, "OK, how do you know you're going to have a boy?"

"Well, when the child was conceived," says the first women, "I was on top. So I'm going to have a boy."

They sit and eat for a few minutes more, and then the second woman says, "Well, I'm going to have a girl."

"OK," says the first one, "how do you know you're going to have a girl?"

"Well, when my child was conceived, I was on the bottom. So I'm going to have a girl."

They sit and eat for a few minutes more, the third woman obviously getting more and more distressed, until finally she breaks down into horrible sobbing?

"What's wrong, what's wrong?" the first two women ask with concern.

The third woman manages to stifle her sobs long enough to only say one thing.... "I'm going to have a puppy!"

Short funny jokes-Entertainment

Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality.

Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

Hilarious jokes-Peeking in the bedroom

A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole.

He watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb"

Really funny jokes-Visitor from Texas

I recently had a visitor from the state of Texas. For three days all I heard from him was "In Texas we have the best this, the largest that, the fastest that," etc. It eventually became very annoying.

Being from Niagra Falls, I thought I could outdo him by showing him the "MIGHTY NIAGARA", knowing there was nothing in Texas that could compare to this "Wonder of Water & Power".

While standing at the brink watching millions of gallons of water rushing over, I noticed the look of awe in his eyes. It was then I asked him: "Do you have anything like this in Texas?"

He waited a moment before he answered: "No, but we have a plumber that could fix it."

One line jokes-Cheap politicians

Take a look at your tax bills and you'll quit calling them "cheap politicians. "

Insurance jokes-CEO and Don

Q : What's the difference between an insurance company CEO and the mafia don?

A : The insurance company CEO can tell you how many people will die this year. The mafia don can tell you the names of all of them.

Funny jokes-Look in the pocket

A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, gulps it down, looks in his pocket then orders another one.

He gulps that one down, looks in his pocket again, then orders another one.

He does this about 7 or 8 more times when the bartender finally asks, Every time you finish a drink you look in your pocket. What's in your pocket?

The man replies, Oh... I have a picture of my wife in there. I drink until she looks good, then I go home.

Hilarious jokes-Fertilizer Club

This letter is being sent to you because we know that you are critically interested in the condition of your lawn. This is a fertilizer club that will not cost you a cent to join! Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address at the top of the list and soil on their front lawn. You will not be the only one there, so do not feel embarrassed.

Then make five copies of this letter and send them to five of your friends who appreciate a good lawn. Add your name to the letter. You will not get any money or cheques, but within one week , if this chain is not broken, there will be 9,126 people soiling your lawn. Your reward will come next spring when you will have one of the greenest, most beautiful lawns in the neighborhood.

Mrs. Harry Butt - 236 Corn Cob Alley
Mrs. Smelly B. Hind - 475 Diarrhea Way
Mrs. Apple Crop - 1422 Enema Drive
Mrs. Bigger Movement - 89 Rectum Road
Mr. Go More Piles - 741 Hemorrhoid Street
Mr. C. Howie Farts - Whistle Britches Ave.
Mr. & Mrs. Charlie Springer - 2 Suppository Lane
Mr. & Mrs. Took A. Fizzik - 634 Running Loose Lane

P.S. If you are constipated, pass this along to your neighbor. Don’t break the chain. One Man didn’t give a damn and lost his entire lawn. Best wishes for a greener lawn, and more fun at your lawn parties!!!

Blonde jokes-Tilt steering

Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?

A. More headroom

Really funny jokes-Straight Rodeo

Q. What is the difference between a Straight Rodeo and a Gay Rodeo?

A. At a Straight Rodeo they yell `Ride them Suckers!'.

Superb pick up lines

1. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

2. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?

3. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.

4. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

5. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?

6. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room.

Funny jokes-Most popular word

What's The Most Popular Word That Begins With 'F' & Ends With 'K'?
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Its FACEBOOK

The Word You Thought Is The 2nd Most Popular!