Funny jokes-Hung!

A man is lounging in his favorite chair, drinking a beer, while his wife is cutting the lawn.

A lady walking by sees this and yells at the man: "You should be hung!"

The man takes a drink of his beer, and says to the lady: "I am. That's why she's cutting the grass."

Really funny jokes-Moving furniture

Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture.

"Why didn't you wait till your husband got home?" someone asked.

"I could have," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move if he's not on it."

Hilarious jokes-Recycling a tampon

Q. How do you recycle a used tampon?

A. As a tea-bag for vampires.

Funny jokes-How big is the Baby?

I am seven months pregnant and my 8 year old daughter asks me how big the baby is now. I tell her it's roughly the size of a large banana.

She replies: "Then why is your butt the size of a watermelon?"

Really funny jokes-Bad golf

Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest and three other men of the cloth swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked,

"You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"

"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "How did you know?"

"Easy," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language!"

Finance jokes-Economist's wife

"I'm thinking of leaving my husband," complained the economist's wife.

"All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."

One line jokes-Austin Powers pickup line

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Really funny jokes-Employed by a Psychiatrist

"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?"

"Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win...

If I was late to work, I was hostile.

If I was early, I had an anxiety complex.

If I was on time, I was compulsive."

Animal jokes-Monkey in a minefield

What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?

A Baboom !

Short funny jokes-Fishing and politics

Many people will spend the summer occupied with fishing and politics.

In fishing you use a worm, and in politics a worm uses you.

Really funny jokes-End Of The World Headlines

End Of The World Headlines

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

USA Today : WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal : DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer : O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE

Sports Illustrated : GAME OVER

Wired: THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone : THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest: 'BYE

Discover Magazine : HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW " ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

America Online : SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

TIME magazine: RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION FOR ETERNITY

Yo Mama jokes-On a rainbow

Yo momma is so fat. She sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!

Hilarious jokes-Woof

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”

Funny jokes-Politician

A politician was running for re-election and was talking at a campaign stop to his constituents.

"My opponent has called me a liar. Rest assured, I have never lied to you. The only problem I have is that the facts don't always match up with what I believe."