One line jokes-Austin Powers pickup line

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Really funny jokes-Employed by a Psychiatrist

"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?"

"Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win...

If I was late to work, I was hostile.

If I was early, I had an anxiety complex.

If I was on time, I was compulsive."

Animal jokes-Monkey in a minefield

What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?

A Baboom !

Short funny jokes-Fishing and politics

Many people will spend the summer occupied with fishing and politics.

In fishing you use a worm, and in politics a worm uses you.

Really funny jokes-End Of The World Headlines

End Of The World Headlines

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

USA Today : WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal : DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer : O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE

Sports Illustrated : GAME OVER

Wired: THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone : THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest: 'BYE

Discover Magazine : HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW " ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

America Online : SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

TIME magazine: RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION FOR ETERNITY

Yo Mama jokes-On a rainbow

Yo momma is so fat. She sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!

Hilarious jokes-Woof

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”

Funny jokes-Politician

A politician was running for re-election and was talking at a campaign stop to his constituents.

"My opponent has called me a liar. Rest assured, I have never lied to you. The only problem I have is that the facts don't always match up with what I believe."

Really funny jokes-Webbed feet

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Finance jokes-Three types of Investors

There are primarily 3 different types of investors who post on the message boards.
1. Those who don't know anything: approx. 10%
2. Those who know a little: approx. 10%
3. Those who don't realize they don't know anything: approx. 80%

One line jokes-Bicycle

A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

Funny jokes-Back to Earth

Three men - an Australian, a Jew, and an Abo - are crossing the road, when a bus runs them all over, killing them instantly. They appear before Saint Peter, who prepares to let them into Heaven.
The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they're only young and haven't led full lives. Eventually, Saint Peter relents and lets them go back to earth - on the one condition that they each pay him $500.
The Aussie pays his $500 straight away, and BANG!!, he's back in the same street he had just left. Immediately, he goes into the nearest pub, and tells all of his mates his amazing story.
Of course, they don't believe him. "So," asks one mate, "if all this is true, then where's the Jew and the Abo?".
"Well," says the Aussie, "when I left them, the Jew had him down to $100, and the Abo was arguing that the government should pay for it".

SMS jokes-Good thing about snow

There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbour's.

Really funny jokes-More Laws of Golf

LAW 1: Golf carts always run out of power at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 2: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 3: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

LAW 4: Golf balls from the same sleeve tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law 3).

LAW 5: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 6: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

LAW 7: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 8: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 9: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 10: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until sunset.