Really funny jokes-Answers to Science exam

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Funny jokes-Cat and comma

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

Clean jokes-Birthday song

It was our pals birthday, so we decided to call him up and sing "Happy Birthday."

Only trouble was we dialed the wrong number.

"Don't let it bother you." said the voice on the other end, just before he hung up, "You need all the practice you can get."

Really funny jokes-Different coloured skin

An Englishman once asked Mahatma Gandhi

"Why do you Indians have different coloured skins? Look at us, we all have the same colour".

Gandhi replied, "Thoroughbred horses have different colours, but all donkeys have the same colour!"

Funny jokes-High enough

Did you hear about the Irish hunters who got themselves all set up for a weekend of duck-shooting? They gathered their guns and the dogs and the ammunition and their orange hunting hats and tramped about for hours; but with no luck whatsoever. And when they came out of the woods at dusk, they looked around at all the other hunters, who were all carrying large bundles of dead ducks.
"Gee," said one Irishman to his companion, "everyone else seems to be doing pretty well for themselves. Whaddaya think we could be doing wrong?"
"I dunno," said the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dogs up high enough".

Blonde jokes-Cross the road

Why did the blonde cross the road?

Never mind that, what was she doing out of the bedroom?

Really funny jokes-What are you in for?

Paddy was sent to jail and was sharing a cell with two others.
"What are you in for?" he asked the first.
"Stealing a few bales of straw," he replied.
"And how long did you get?" asked Paddy.
"Six months," he replied.
"And what are you in for?" Paddy asked the second.
"Rape," he replied.
"And how long did you get?"
"Seven years," he replied.
"Heavens above," said Paddy, "you must have stolen a whole acre of the stuff".

Short funny jokes-Milk turning sour

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Funny jokes-The Switchman

A guy named Pete gets a job as a switchman with the railroad, and undergoes weeks of training. The supervisor then takes him into the switch booth to test his readiness. The following exchange takes place:

Supervisor: "Imagine you were sitting here alone and you learned there was a train coming from the North on that track, and another coming from the South on the same track. What would you do?"

Pete: "I'd throw this switch right here and put one train on the other track."

Supervisor: And what if that switch didn't work?"

Pete: "I'd go down to the track and throw that big switch lever there, putting one train on the other track."

Supervisor: "And what if that switch lever didn't work?"

Pete: "Then I'd come back here and call the dispatcher to stop both trains."

Supervisor: "And what if the phone didn't work?"

Pete: "Then I'd go to that gas station across the street and use their phone."

Supervisor: "And what if their phone didn't work?"

Pete: "Then I'd go get Uncle Joe."

Supervisor: "Uncle Joe??? What would he do?"

Pete: "Nothing, but he ain't never seen a train wreck."

Hilarious jokes-Disqualified

Have you heard about the Irish tug-of-war team?

They were disqualified for pushing.

One line jokes-Problem with Golf

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

Adult jokes-Alcohol taster

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,
"It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That’s correct", said the boss.
Another glass.
"It’s red wine , cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels."
"Correct."
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It’s a blond, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month.
And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll tell who’s the father!"

Really funny jokes-Trial in Court

Trial in Court

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

SMS jokes-Laughing helps

Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.