Really funny jokes-Different coloured skin

An Englishman once asked Mahatma Gandhi

"Why do you Indians have different coloured skins? Look at us, we all have the same colour".

Gandhi replied, "Thoroughbred horses have different colours, but all donkeys have the same colour!"

Funny jokes-High enough

Did you hear about the Irish hunters who got themselves all set up for a weekend of duck-shooting? They gathered their guns and the dogs and the ammunition and their orange hunting hats and tramped about for hours; but with no luck whatsoever. And when they came out of the woods at dusk, they looked around at all the other hunters, who were all carrying large bundles of dead ducks.
"Gee," said one Irishman to his companion, "everyone else seems to be doing pretty well for themselves. Whaddaya think we could be doing wrong?"
"I dunno," said the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dogs up high enough".

Blonde jokes-Cross the road

Why did the blonde cross the road?

Never mind that, what was she doing out of the bedroom?

Really funny jokes-What are you in for?

Paddy was sent to jail and was sharing a cell with two others.
"What are you in for?" he asked the first.
"Stealing a few bales of straw," he replied.
"And how long did you get?" asked Paddy.
"Six months," he replied.
"And what are you in for?" Paddy asked the second.
"Rape," he replied.
"And how long did you get?"
"Seven years," he replied.
"Heavens above," said Paddy, "you must have stolen a whole acre of the stuff".

Short funny jokes-Milk turning sour

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Funny jokes-The Switchman

A guy named Pete gets a job as a switchman with the railroad, and undergoes weeks of training. The supervisor then takes him into the switch booth to test his readiness. The following exchange takes place:

Supervisor: "Imagine you were sitting here alone and you learned there was a train coming from the North on that track, and another coming from the South on the same track. What would you do?"

Pete: "I'd throw this switch right here and put one train on the other track."

Supervisor: And what if that switch didn't work?"

Pete: "I'd go down to the track and throw that big switch lever there, putting one train on the other track."

Supervisor: "And what if that switch lever didn't work?"

Pete: "Then I'd come back here and call the dispatcher to stop both trains."

Supervisor: "And what if the phone didn't work?"

Pete: "Then I'd go to that gas station across the street and use their phone."

Supervisor: "And what if their phone didn't work?"

Pete: "Then I'd go get Uncle Joe."

Supervisor: "Uncle Joe??? What would he do?"

Pete: "Nothing, but he ain't never seen a train wreck."

Hilarious jokes-Disqualified

Have you heard about the Irish tug-of-war team?

They were disqualified for pushing.

One line jokes-Problem with Golf

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

Adult jokes-Alcohol taster

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,
"It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That’s correct", said the boss.
Another glass.
"It’s red wine , cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels."
"Correct."
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It’s a blond, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month.
And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll tell who’s the father!"

Really funny jokes-Trial in Court

Trial in Court

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

SMS jokes-Laughing helps

Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

Funny jokes-Identify the Italian

How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight?

He's the one who bets on the duck.

Really funny jokes-The Old hotel

As a history buff, I was looking forward to staying in a hotel in Salisbury, England, that dated back to the 13th century. But when I arrived, the hotel clerk gave me some bad news--my room was in the new section. Disappointed, I asked when the 'new' section had been built.

"In the 1600s," she replied apologetically.

Clean jokes-Even more excuses for skipping out of work

Even more excuses for skipping out of work

1. I have to renew my driver’s license.

2. I have to get new license plates.

3. I have to stand in a long line for no good reason, while petty bureaucrats take inordinate amounts of time to work out the tiny problems that they detect in perfectly routine transactions. THEN I have to breeze by and renew my driver’s license and get new license plates.

4. I’ve got an urgent session with my therapist.

5. I’ve got a really urgent session with my therapist.

6. I’ve … I … I’m not … I don’t … I CAN’T COPE WITH THIS!!

7. I have to get my contact lenses fitted.

8. I have to get my hearing aid adjusted.

9. I have to get my big toe calibrated.

10. Hey, hey! The Monkees could be coming to our town.

11. My rheumatism is acting up. There’s going to be a terrible tornado.

12. My arthritis is acting up. There’s going to be a terrible blizzard.

13. The pharaoh is acting up. There’s going to be a terrible rain of frogs.

14. I need to give blood.

15. I need to give evidence.

16. I need to give up.

17. I’m going to my best friend’s engagement party.

18. I’m going to my best friend’s wedding.

19. I’m going to my best friend’s divorce. (We all knew it wouldn’t last. At the wedding, everybody threw Minute Rice.)

20. I have a seriously overdue library book that I have to return.