Really funny jokes-Female crew

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.

Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan '

An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?

When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'

'Yes,' said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'

My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member, 'We No Longer Call It The Cockpit'

'It's The Box Office.'

Adult jokes-Farmer Jones

Farmer Jones lived with his tame bear in the remote country with only dirt access roads.

His tame bear had been naughty that day so he put him in the barn and said "you stay here until you learn how to behave yourself".

Shortly afterwards it began to rain.

About an hour later a traveling salesman got stuck in the mud and asked the Farmer for a place to stay.The Farmer told him he didn't have room in the house, however he could stay in the barn.He told the salesman there were no lights in the barn and his tame bear was in the barn.
The Farmer said the bear would not bother him.

The salesman went to the barn.

Later, another traveling salesman got stuck in the mud and the Farmer told him about the barn, no lights and the tame bear.

Salesmen left for barn.

One hour later a woman got stuck in the mud and approached the Farmer.

He told her about the barn and mentioned the two traveling salesmen (he was so concerned about the salesmen he forgot to mention the bear).

The woman said I can take care of myself and left for the barn.

Two hours later the Farmer was awakened by heavy knocking at the door.

When he opened the door ,the woman was standing there with her clothes torn and rumpled.

The Farmer said : Good heavens what happened to you?

The woman replied : I give up on human nature, the first guy gave me forty dollars,t he second guy gave me fifty dollars, but that cheap bugger in the fur coat never even said thanks.

One line jokes-Toad

Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!

Doctor jokes-Expert Diagnosis

Abe, David and Bernard were not only best of friends but also the top doctors in the neighbourhood. One day, they were out walking in Golders Green when they saw this little old man walking rather strangely. He`s hunched over on one side, he’s dragging his right leg and he has his left hand on his lower back.

Abe says, “It`s peritonitis.”

David says, “It`s an orthopaedic problem, with flat arches and a touch of chondromalacia patellae.”

Bernard says, “It`s a nerve irritation at the level of L5.”

They argue a bit and then decide to go over and ask the old man what his problem is. So they do just that.

The man replies, “You`re all wrong. I thought I was about to fart when I crapped in my pants instead”

Really funny jokes-Bachelors and Married men

Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat?

A: Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed.
….Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go the fridge.

Funny jokes-Aspirin

A man walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"

"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.

"That's it! I can never remember that word!"

Little Johnny jokes-Impure thoughts

Little Johnny was taking confession, and he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister.

"Is this a sin, Father?" he asked.

The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."

Funny jokes-Dallas Cowboys

Q. Did you hear they're gonna make the Dallas Cowboys start playing on a natural turf?

A. Yah! they're already snorting all the lines and smoking all the grass.

Adult jokes-Right and Wrong things to say

The RIGHT (R) And WRONG (W) Things To Say To A Man After making out:

R: You're the one
W: Next.

R: You really know how to satisfy a woman.
W: What the hell was that? Do you have to catch a plane?

R: You're the best I've ever had.
W: You're almost as good as my cousin Earl.

R: What color are your eyes?
W: Is my discharge still brown?

R: You make me forget my problems.
W: You make me forget I'm just 15.

R: I think we should go away for the weekend.
W: I think we should go to the clinic.

R: I love you.
W: I love you.

Hilarious jokes-Chinese

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be, that one of us is Chinese.
It's either my mom or my dad, my older brother Colin, me or my youngest brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
I think it's Colin.

Short funny jokes-Favourite wine

What's a sorority girl's favorite wine?

"Daaadddy, I want to go to mi-ammmmi."

Really funny jokes-Hot Tub tips for Women

Hot Tub Tips For Women

It is not lady like to straddle a water jet, moan in ecstasy, then scream at the top of your lungs "Oh yes baby!"

Washing your partners back is cool, washing your pantyhose is not!

Group nude bathing with strangers can be a pleasant experience, but don't spoil things by making snide remarks like "I've seen bigger wangs on Hamsters"

It's OK to pass a joint while tubbing, it's not OK to pass gas.

Don't think you're fooling anybody by trying to pass off your vibrator as a toy submarine.

One line jokes-Golden age

Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.

Really funny jokes-Smell like Olive Oil

Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it.
Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times.

That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked,
"Do I smell like olive oil?"

"No," he said, sniffing me. "Do I smell like Popeye?