* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
* The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
Really funny jokes, adult jokes, good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, very funny jokes, kids jokes, funny pictures
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Good jokes-Exotic and psychotic
What's the difference between exotic and psychotic?
Exotic is wearing a French tickler, psychotic is wearing French toast.
Exotic is wearing a French tickler, psychotic is wearing French toast.
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Nasty jokes-Yo Mama
Yo mama's so nasty, she pours salt water in her drawers to keep the crabs alive.
Yo mama's so nasty, she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.
Yo mama's so nasty, when she did the splits, she stuck to the floor.
Yo mama's so nasty, she has more crabs then Red Lobster.
Yo mama's so nasty, her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.
Yo mama's so nasty, she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.
Yo mama's so nasty, when she did the splits, she stuck to the floor.
Yo mama's so nasty, she has more crabs then Red Lobster.
Yo mama's so nasty, her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.
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Sunday, January 23, 2011
Really funny jokes-Golfing Priest
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"
The young man says, "An iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church when we pray we keep our heads down."
The young man says, "An iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church when we pray we keep our heads down."
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Saturday, January 22, 2011
Funny jokes-Sorority girl and elephant
What is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant?
About 40 lbs.
How do you equalize the two?
Feed the elephant.
About 40 lbs.
How do you equalize the two?
Feed the elephant.
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animal jokes,
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Clean jokes-Threatening letter
A wholesale dealer who had a lot of trouble in getting a certain retailer to pay his bills finally lost patience and wrote the merchant a threatening letter.
He received the following reply:
"Dear Sir: What do you mean by writing me a letter like that? Every month I place all my bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to pay on my accounts. Then I have my bookkeeper draw as many bills out of the hat as I have money to pay. If you don't like my way of doing business, I won't even put your bills in the hat."
He received the following reply:
"Dear Sir: What do you mean by writing me a letter like that? Every month I place all my bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to pay on my accounts. Then I have my bookkeeper draw as many bills out of the hat as I have money to pay. If you don't like my way of doing business, I won't even put your bills in the hat."
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Clean jokes,
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Friday, January 21, 2011
Redneck jokes-Maturity
Question: What is the redneck definition of redneck maturity?
Answer: An eight year old girl who can run faster than her brothers.
Answer: An eight year old girl who can run faster than her brothers.
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Adult jokes,
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Thursday, January 20, 2011
Funny jokes-My stupid brother
My Stupid Brother
I wouldn't say my brother is stupid, but.......
...He keeps forgetting I'm an only child!
...He's depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
...He puts a bucket under the pipe when there's a gas leak.
...He has an intellect that is rivaled only by Egg plants.
...We have to make introductions around the breakfast table every morning.
...He stayed up all last night studying for his blood test.
...He sure makes my dog look smart!
...He studied all weekend for a urine test.
...He can't convert 0 feet to meters.
...He was supposed to try out for a part in Dumb and Dumber but forgot to turn up.
...He still checks the inside of his hands to see if "it" really will cause hair to grow!!
...He keeps forgetting he's my sister
...When my parents said they'd send him abroad, he asked how old she was
...But he had a battle of wits with a doorknob and lost.
...But he looked hard at the orange juice container because it said concentrate
...He forgotten that he's been dead for the last five years
...He got drunk, walked into the wall four times and said "Hey, I'm bricked in!"
...He stole a free cookie!
...He couldn't count his testicles and come up with the same number twice!
...He thinks a Toadstool is a well endowed frog
...When he got on the bus, he asked for a return. When the driver asked him
"Where to?" He replied "Back here!"
...It takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"
...After joining the I.R.A. and being told to blow up a bus, he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe
...He saw a sign that said "wet floor"... so he did.
...When mum said to take butter out from the fridge, he took the butter outdoors!
...He thinks Sherlock Holmes is a block of flats
...In his first airplane travel was astonished to see he was not becoming smaller in size
...I've seen bread dough with more intelligence.
...When they tested his I.Q., the score began with Minus.
...When they were handing out brains, he couldn't even find the line.
...But if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.
...He thinks a woman with crabs is a seafood delicacy.
...If he had one more IQ he'd be a pot plant.
...He had just learned to count to 21 when he got arrested for indecent exposure.
...Last night, when I turned of the lights he wrote a letter to God, asking him why he didn't pay his electric bill.
...He has to pull down his pants to count to 11
...He couldn't empty water from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel
...But then, I'm a blonde
...But I would give him a dollar for every thought he had, and still have from five dollars.
...He's trying to teach "sit up & beg" to his pet rock?
I wouldn't say my brother is stupid, but.......
...He keeps forgetting I'm an only child!
...He's depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
...He puts a bucket under the pipe when there's a gas leak.
...He has an intellect that is rivaled only by Egg plants.
...We have to make introductions around the breakfast table every morning.
...He stayed up all last night studying for his blood test.
...He sure makes my dog look smart!
...He studied all weekend for a urine test.
...He can't convert 0 feet to meters.
...He was supposed to try out for a part in Dumb and Dumber but forgot to turn up.
...He still checks the inside of his hands to see if "it" really will cause hair to grow!!
...He keeps forgetting he's my sister
...When my parents said they'd send him abroad, he asked how old she was
...But he had a battle of wits with a doorknob and lost.
...But he looked hard at the orange juice container because it said concentrate
...He forgotten that he's been dead for the last five years
...He got drunk, walked into the wall four times and said "Hey, I'm bricked in!"
...He stole a free cookie!
...He couldn't count his testicles and come up with the same number twice!
...He thinks a Toadstool is a well endowed frog
...When he got on the bus, he asked for a return. When the driver asked him
"Where to?" He replied "Back here!"
...It takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"
...After joining the I.R.A. and being told to blow up a bus, he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe
...He saw a sign that said "wet floor"... so he did.
...When mum said to take butter out from the fridge, he took the butter outdoors!
...He thinks Sherlock Holmes is a block of flats
...In his first airplane travel was astonished to see he was not becoming smaller in size
...I've seen bread dough with more intelligence.
...When they tested his I.Q., the score began with Minus.
...When they were handing out brains, he couldn't even find the line.
...But if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.
...He thinks a woman with crabs is a seafood delicacy.
...If he had one more IQ he'd be a pot plant.
...He had just learned to count to 21 when he got arrested for indecent exposure.
...Last night, when I turned of the lights he wrote a letter to God, asking him why he didn't pay his electric bill.
...He has to pull down his pants to count to 11
...He couldn't empty water from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel
...But then, I'm a blonde
...But I would give him a dollar for every thought he had, and still have from five dollars.
...He's trying to teach "sit up & beg" to his pet rock?
Labels:
Hilarious jokes,
One line jokes,
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Hilarious jokes-Doorman
You'll remember also the Irishman who got a job as a doorman in a big building.
He managed very well with the PUSH and PULL signs, but he was seen struggling with his fingers under a door marked LIFT.
He managed very well with the PUSH and PULL signs, but he was seen struggling with his fingers under a door marked LIFT.
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Short funny jokes,
SMS jokes
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Really funny jokes-Getting older!
You Know You're Getting Older .....
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
- You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
- Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
- You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.
- You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
- You don't remember being absent minded.
- "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
- Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
- Tying one on means fastening your Medic Alert bracelet
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
- You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
- Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
- You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.
- You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
- You don't remember being absent minded.
- "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
- Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
- Tying one on means fastening your Medic Alert bracelet
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Yo Mama jokes-Sells shade
Yo' momma's so fat, she goes to the beach and sells shade.
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One line jokes,
Short funny jokes,
SMS jokes
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Short funny jokes-Hit by a car
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in Boston, Massachusetts, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
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Short funny jokes,
short humor jokes,
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Lawyer jokes-Run over
There is a truck driver driving along, and he stops and picks up a priest to give him a ride.
He’s driving down the highway and he sees a lawyer along the side of the road and things, “Hot damn! A lawyer that I could run over!” So he speeds up and heads straight for him.
At the last second he remembers the priest with him. So he swerves real quick to miss him, but still hears a thump. He looks behind, no sign of the lawyer.
He says to the priest “Wow, that was a close one, I almost hit that lawyer!”
The priest then replies “That’s ok son, I got him with my door.”
He’s driving down the highway and he sees a lawyer along the side of the road and things, “Hot damn! A lawyer that I could run over!” So he speeds up and heads straight for him.
At the last second he remembers the priest with him. So he swerves real quick to miss him, but still hears a thump. He looks behind, no sign of the lawyer.
He says to the priest “Wow, that was a close one, I almost hit that lawyer!”
The priest then replies “That’s ok son, I got him with my door.”
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Hilarious jokes,
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Monday, January 17, 2011
Really funny jokes-Difficult to decide
It was a difficult case for the jurors. They had to decide whether the owners of the Bottoms Up Club in NYC were guilty of obscenity. The Judge decided that it would probably be best if the jury went to the club and see the allegedly obscene act.
The judge and the jury watched the act once, focusing on the part where a hot couple performed the "Dance of Love" with a climactic scene of lovemaking on a bearskin rug. The jury was unable to decide definitely whether it was obscene or not. So the jury members asked to see the act one more time. They watched it carefully again. But they still couldn't reach a decision. So this time they asked the understudies to perform the same act one more time.
Fortunately, the police involved in the case were very understanding. According to the Detective: "It is a difficult matter. The police have watched the show 75 times."
The judge and the jury watched the act once, focusing on the part where a hot couple performed the "Dance of Love" with a climactic scene of lovemaking on a bearskin rug. The jury was unable to decide definitely whether it was obscene or not. So the jury members asked to see the act one more time. They watched it carefully again. But they still couldn't reach a decision. So this time they asked the understudies to perform the same act one more time.
Fortunately, the police involved in the case were very understanding. According to the Detective: "It is a difficult matter. The police have watched the show 75 times."
Labels:
Adult jokes,
Office jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
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