My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin. assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
Really funny jokes, adult jokes, good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, very funny jokes, kids jokes, funny pictures
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Blonde jokes-Strike!
What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A thought.
A thought.
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Blonde jokes,
Short funny jokes,
SMS jokes
Really funny jokes-Taking a walk
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, "See the doggy?"
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, "See the baby?"
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, "See the doggy?"
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, "See the baby?"
Labels:
animal jokes,
Kids Jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Monday, October 18, 2010
Adult jokes | Newly married man
A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal." "A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance? " "No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."
Labels:
Adult jokes
Good jokes-If you're a cop
If you're a cop......Nine Ways NOT To Start Your Police Report:
1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
2. The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent ...
3. The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire ...
4. Before I get into the details, I've got a few "shout- outs" for my homeys in the command staff.
5. It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I'd lost my mind ...
6. Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end.
7. Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly. ..
8. The suspect then tried to assault me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist ...
9. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ...
1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
2. The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent ...
3. The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire ...
4. Before I get into the details, I've got a few "shout- outs" for my homeys in the command staff.
5. It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I'd lost my mind ...
6. Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end.
7. Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly. ..
8. The suspect then tried to assault me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist ...
9. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ...
Labels:
Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
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Teacher jokes-Tough Exam
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
Labels:
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Redneck jokes-Twelve days of Christmas
The Twelve Days of a Redneck Christmas
On my first day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
Some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my second day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my third day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my forth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my fifth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
5 TURKEY WINGS
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my sixth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my seventh day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my eighth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
8 manly dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my ninth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
9 years probation
8 manly dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my tenth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
10 Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 manly dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my eleventh day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
11 rasslin tickets
10 Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 manly dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my twelfth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin tickets
10 Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my first day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
Some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my second day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my third day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my forth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my fifth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
5 TURKEY WINGS
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my sixth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my seventh day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my eighth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
8 manly dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my ninth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
9 years probation
8 manly dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my tenth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
10 Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 manly dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my eleventh day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
11 rasslin tickets
10 Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 manly dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
On my twelfth day of Christmas... pa gave to me,
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin tickets
10 Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 turkey wings
4 mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
Labels:
Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Really funny jokes-Breakfast in bed
The first morning after the honeymoon, the husband got up early, went down to the kitchen, and brought his wife her breakfast in bed. Naturally, she was delighted.
Then he spoke: "Have you noticed just what I have done?"
"Of course, dear. Every single detail!"
"Good. That's how I want my breakfast served every morning."
Then he spoke: "Have you noticed just what I have done?"
"Of course, dear. Every single detail!"
"Good. That's how I want my breakfast served every morning."
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Good jokes,
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Clean jokes-Eastern or Pacific
I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Friday, October 15, 2010
Lawyer jokes-Brown and black
What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
A doberman.
Labels:
animal jokes,
Short funny jokes,
short humor jokes
Hilarious jokes-Jumping off the bridge
A Trucker driving on a bridge noticed an young good looking girl going to jump off the bridge. He stops truck and rushes to save the girl, holds her and asked "What are you doing?".
The girl says, "I am trying to commit suicide and nothing can stop me or save me."
Truck driver was greatly attracted, did not find any solution to save her, asked, "Well before you jump off let us kiss as if there is no tomorrow."
The girl agreed and they kissed and kissed, french style and all.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! You are a great kisser, You are wasting a great talent. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't support me dressing up in a girl's dress"
The girl says, "I am trying to commit suicide and nothing can stop me or save me."
Truck driver was greatly attracted, did not find any solution to save her, asked, "Well before you jump off let us kiss as if there is no tomorrow."
The girl agreed and they kissed and kissed, french style and all.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! You are a great kisser, You are wasting a great talent. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't support me dressing up in a girl's dress"
Labels:
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Hilarious jokes,
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Thursday, October 14, 2010
Adult jokes | Wrinkles out
An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner. "You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we ought to do with it?" With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it."
Labels:
Adult jokes
Really funny jokes-Patrol officer meets his match
A patrol officer pulled over Enid for speeding. Enid was a 65 year old lady from out of state.
The officer asked to see her license.
'Don't have one' Enid said.
'Can I please see the Vehicle registration' the officer asked firmly but politely.
'Nope' snapped Enid.
In that case I will have to take you into the Police station and charge you there.
When they arrived, the arresting officer said, to the duty sergeant. This lady has no license and no vehicle registration.
'Sure I do' said Enid sweetly. This officer has got in for me, the next thing is he will be saying that I was speeding."
The officer asked to see her license.
'Don't have one' Enid said.
'Can I please see the Vehicle registration' the officer asked firmly but politely.
'Nope' snapped Enid.
In that case I will have to take you into the Police station and charge you there.
When they arrived, the arresting officer said, to the duty sergeant. This lady has no license and no vehicle registration.
'Sure I do' said Enid sweetly. This officer has got in for me, the next thing is he will be saying that I was speeding."
Labels:
Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Blonde jokes-Trivial pursuit
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Labels:
Blonde jokes,
Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes
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