Clean jokes-Love and understanding

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Short funny jokes-Growing o;d

Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

Kids jokes-Teacher's question

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other what would I have?

CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

Really funny jokes-Hair smells nice

One day a women walks into work in a short skirt. As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says, "Your hair smells really nice today."

She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office. She says, "I want to file a harassment complaint!" and then relates what happened.

The manager says, "What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?"

Furious, she snarls, "He’s a midget!"

Funny joke-Medication for rest of life

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? '
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'.'

Blonde joke-Favourite nursery rhyme

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme

Good joke-Hillbilly humor

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?

They want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

Really funny jokes-Son performing operation

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'

Hilarious jokes-Melt

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what;

Metal,

Wood,

Stone,

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,

'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.

The prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,

'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed!

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?
.
.
.
.
M&M's of course.

Short funny jokes-Beetle's pet rabbit

What do you call a beetle's pet rabbit?
A bug's bunny.

Teacher joke-Prevent diseases

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE : Don't bite any.

Really funny joke-Sheet of Sandpaper

What about the Irish explorer who paid £10 for a sheet of sandpaper?

He thought it was a map of the Sahara Desert.

Good joke-Unique testing device

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."

Short funny joke-Gay Milkman

Q: What do you call a gay milkman?
A: A Dairy Queen.