Kids jokes-Prayers before eating

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

Short humorous jokes - Reading email

A South American scientist from Argentina ,

after a lengthy study, has discovered that

people with very low intelligence read their

Emails with their hand on the mouse.

..
..
..

..

..
..

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late buddy

One liner jokes - Man

You can't change a man unless he is in diapers.

Short Doctor jokes - Wish

The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said,

"I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?".

"Yes," replied the patient faintly, "Another doctor".

Lawyer Jokes - Children

LAWYER : She had three children, right?

WITNESS : Yes.

LAWYER : How many were boys?

WITNESS : None.

Lawyer : Were there any girls?

WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

Short Women Jokes - Gas

Why do women pass less gas than men?

Because women won't be quiet long enough to build up pressure!

Blonde jokes-Baseball

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn’t wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea?
A: He said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.

Really funny jokes-Never make a woman angry

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.

She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

" Czechoslovakia ."

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay later!

Funny hilarious jokes-Half wit

A man owned a small ranch In Texas. The Texas Work Force Commission claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally. "

"That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the rancher.

Clean jokes-Hungry

A man phoned a retail pharmacy to talk about his prescription.

He said to the pharmacist, "My doctor ordered this prescription for me. Your store filled it and gave me a bottle with 100 capsules in it about two weeks ago. I'm supposed to take one capsule every six hours and I've been doing that. This little packet came out of the bottle while I was getting my capsule once. The packet said, "do not eat" on it. That was four days ago, and I'm really hungry!"

Short hilarious jokes - Doctor

A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all his clothes and then send his husband a bill for it.

Sania Mirza joke-From Pakistan

Baba-e-Qaum: Muhammad Ali Jinnah
Quaid-e-Millat: Liaquat Ali Khan
Madar-e-Millat: Fatima Jinnah
Aur Ab . . .
Bhabhi-e-Millat: Sania Mirza. :-)

Office jokes-It's appraisal time!

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the station.
At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around.
With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it.
There was blood all over the body which was lying face down.
It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age.
Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprised to see the phrase "appraisal letter" on it.
With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer.
I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors.
Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!!
My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"...
As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand.
I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.
While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter... Hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials.
This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second.
The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... It was me who was dead there!!!!!!! ! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders. My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind...... ... Splash!!!
Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".

Short funny jokes - Superman

What is difference between man and Superman?

Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.