Short funny jokes-Policeman's help

"Once when I was lost.. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him…Do you think we'll ever find them.?
He said..I don't know kid.. there are so many places they can hide."

Kids jokes-Mischievous Brothers

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.

GOD is missing, and they think we did it!

Really funny jokes-Insurance claim

Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.
Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."
The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one, practically identical, of comparable worth."
There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."

Redneck jokes

You might be a redneck if...
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
There is a wasp nest in your living room.
The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper ...

Funny jokes-Apple pie and coffee

A man had trouble with his English, so his friend taught him how to say, "Apple pie and coffee," so when on the job, he could order some food at the local restaurant during his lunch hour.
This was fine with our man, and he was grateful to his friend, but after several months he wanted a little more variety in his fare. His friend was glad to oblige and taught him how to say,
"Ham and cheese sandwich."
The man proudly walked into the restaurant the next day and said to the waitress, "Ham and cheese sandwich."
To which the waitress responded, "White, whole wheat, or rye?"
With shoulders sagging and the smile gone from his face, he answered back, "Apple pie and coffee."

Short funny jokes-New fifty cent coin

A spokesperson for the U. S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots.
On one side of the coin would be Teddy Roosevelt and on the other side, Nathan Hale.
Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the official replied, "Now, when you toss a coin you can simply call,
'Ted's or Hale's'."

Really funny jokes-Husbands

Several women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to hell."
This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in hell.
So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."
Another one said, "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it."
So, then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn't saying anything. And they looked at her and said "You're such a nice lady, surely you're going to Heaven...?"
She says "No, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to hell!"
They were shocked and asked why.
"Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you?"

Hilarious short jokes-Form filling

An actress was filling up a form.
There was a column in the form where one was required to state martial status.
Married/ Unmarried.
And she wrote: Occasionally Married.

Really funny jokes-Annual physical

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."
"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."

Funny jokes-Correctional facility

Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes, but upon arrival at the correctional facility, he told the warden he wasn't at all worried about his future. He knew he wouldn't have to serve the full term of his penalty.
"Why's that, Jimmy?" the warden asked "Sure of your appeal, are you?"
"No, sir." Jimmy replied.
"Already making plans to escape, then?"
"Not a one, Warden."
"Then why are you so sure you'll be out of here before your time is up?"
"Well, Warden," says Jimmy, "it's like this. In the entire time I've been married; my wife has yet to let me finish a sentence!"

Short funny jokes-Australian zoo

What's the difference between an Australian zoo and a English zoo?
An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe.."

Blonde jokes-Green golf balls

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro asks her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

Funny jokes-Wolf Man

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.
"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.
"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"
At this moment, the Wolf Man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.
Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

Really funny jokes-Retired judge

A judge in his golden years decided that retirement had become too boring. So he volunteered as a librarian at his local library branch.
A week later, his supervisor, a stern woman in her sixties, called him into her office.
She cleared her throat and said, "You know, I appreciate that when you were a judge you were stern with lawbreakers. And you carry that with you to your new job, which is very commendable. But when someone owes an overdue fine, you can't just - "
"I had to throw the book at him," said the judge.
"I know," said the librarian, "but the Entire Encyclopedia Britannica?"