Really funny jokes-Eyes water

A school teacher asks her class 'What vegetable makes your eyes water?'
Little Johnny replies ' a turnip miss'.
'No Johnny' says the teacher, 'I believe you are thinking of an onion, aren't you?'
'No miss' Says Johnny, 'Have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?'

Really funny jokes-Sinking ship

Left on a sinking ship were the Captain and three sailors. The Captain spoke first.
"Men, this business about a Captain going down with this ship is nonsense. There's a three-man life raft on board and I'm going to be on it. To see who will come with me, I will ask you each
one question. The one who can't answer will stay behind. Here's the first question :
What unsinkable ship went down when it hit an iceberg ?"
The first sailor answered, "The Titanic,Sir."
"On to the next question: How many people perished?"
The second sailor said, "One thousand five hundred and seventeen, Sir"
"Now for the third question," and the Captain turned to sailor number three.
"What were their names?"

Short funny jokes-Whiter

Michael Jackson’s death has now been ruled a suicide.
Apparently doctors told him that the only way he could get whiter is if he died.

Really funny jokes-Drowning Woman

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law. "
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

Really funny jokes-Head Cleaner

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

Funny jokes clean -The holy man

A yogi (holy man) walked into a pizza parlor.
"Make me one with everything," he said to the waiter.
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."

Short funny jokes-Punishment

What is the best punishment for a woman?

Give her new clothes,
matching her jewelry,
and nice cosmetics and then,
lock her in a room without a mirror

Short funny jokes-Worse

What's worse finding a worm in a apple?
A half eaten worm!

Really funny jokes-Scuba diving

I was talking on the phone with my son, who was stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force.
He was explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-dive. "We used the buddy system," he said, "and occasionally dived into shark-infested waters."
Listening on the extension, my daughter asked, "What do you do if you see a shark?"
My son said, "Swim faster than my buddy."

Jokes funny-Door to door

Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. Seeing the two church members at the door frustrated her. She stormed back to the door and flung it shut.
But the door still didn't close. Furious, she grabbed the door with two hands and shoved it as hard as she could. But again, the door wouldn't shut.
Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would really teach them a lesson.
Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."

Really funny jokes-Adam's questions

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."

Hilarious short jokes-Birthday gift

Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

Jokes on Marriage-Invited for supper

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

Short funny jokes-Sick and tired

"How are things going with you?"
"So so. I left my job, because of illness and fatigue."
"Sorry to hear that. What happened?"
"My boss got sick and tired of me."