Short funny jokes-Punishment

What is the best punishment for a woman?

Give her new clothes,
matching her jewelry,
and nice cosmetics and then,
lock her in a room without a mirror

Short funny jokes-Worse

What's worse finding a worm in a apple?
A half eaten worm!

Really funny jokes-Scuba diving

I was talking on the phone with my son, who was stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force.
He was explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-dive. "We used the buddy system," he said, "and occasionally dived into shark-infested waters."
Listening on the extension, my daughter asked, "What do you do if you see a shark?"
My son said, "Swim faster than my buddy."

Jokes funny-Door to door

Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. Seeing the two church members at the door frustrated her. She stormed back to the door and flung it shut.
But the door still didn't close. Furious, she grabbed the door with two hands and shoved it as hard as she could. But again, the door wouldn't shut.
Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would really teach them a lesson.
Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."

Really funny jokes-Adam's questions

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."

Hilarious short jokes-Birthday gift

Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

Jokes on Marriage-Invited for supper

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

Short funny jokes-Sick and tired

"How are things going with you?"
"So so. I left my job, because of illness and fatigue."
"Sorry to hear that. What happened?"
"My boss got sick and tired of me."

Jokes funny-Accidents

A cowboy went to buy an insurance policy and the agent asked, "Have you ever had an accident?"
"Nope," replied the cowboy, "but last summer, a bronco kicked in two of my ribs... and a couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it on purpose!"

Short jokes-Moos

Why are mooos afraid ?
Because they're all cow words.

Short funny jokes-For the first time

The little girl went to church for the first time. As she was leaving with her parents, the minister asked how she had liked church.
"I liked the music," she replied, "but the commercial was too long."

Birthday party jokes-What game

Q. What party game do rabbits like to play?
A. Musical Hares!

Clean jokes-Forgot

The surgeon told his patient who woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."

Really funny jokes-Magic of the Internet

My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular Ask Jeeves website, and we told her it could answer any question she had.

Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"