Teen Humor jokes-Weight lifting

Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become the next Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department.
"Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I promise I'll use them every day."
"I don't know, Michael. It's really a big commitment on your part," the father pointed out.
"Please, Dad?"
"They're not cheap either."
"I'll use them Dad, I promise. You'll see."
Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door.
From the corner of the store he heard his son yell, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?!"

Really funny jokes-Toothache

Paddy, suffering from a severe toothache, finally got up enough nerve to visit his dentist, but lost it again when he was about to get into the chair. The dentist told his assistant to give Paddy a shot of whiskey kept on hand for just such circumstances as this.
"Ye got your courage back now?" the dentist asked.
"No!" replied Paddy.
So a second shot was brought, then a third.
"Now have ye got your courage?" asked the dentist.
"You're damn right!" Paddy said, squaring his shoulders. "I'd like to see the SOB who'd dare to touch me teeth now!"

Short Doctor jokes-No change

A doctor said to his car mechanic, "Your debit is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam, but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every year."

Really funny short jokes-In the bar

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is, to have a compulsion like this."
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a Psychoanalyst, " the bartender said. "My Brother and my Wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they get."
The man wrote down the name of the Doctor, thanked the bar-tender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.
"I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the Psychoanalyst twice a week."
He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender's face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The Doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good." He sputtered.
"On the contrary," the man claimed, "he's done me world of good."
"But you threw the wine in my face again!" The bartender exclaimed.
"Yes." The man replied. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore!"

Short Kids jokes-Beauty treatment

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

Clean short jokes-Ancient Castle

A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.
"This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, and nothing replaced in all those years."
"Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have."

Really very funny jokes-Sentry duty

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No vehicle was to enter unless it had the proper sticker on the windshield.
Now, a huge Army car came up with a General seated in the back. The sentry yelled, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The General said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving on without your sticker."
The General repeated, "I'm telling you, Corporal, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window with the gun at the ready and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"

Funny Indian sardar Jokes - Interview

Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of good.
Santa Singh: Bad.

Interviewer: Come.
Santa Singh: Go.

Interviewer: Ugly.
Santa Singh: Pichlli.

Interviewer: U G L Y?
Santa Singh: PICHLLY !!!!!!!

Interviewer: Shut Up.
Santa Singh: Keep Talking.

Interviewer: Get Out.
Santa Singh: Come In.

Interviewer: Oh my God.
Santa Singh: Oh your Devil.

Interviewer: You are Rejected.
Santa Singh: I am Selected.

Funny jokes-Government class

Bambi, in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware "

Short humor jokes-In Heaven

What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!

Really funny jokes-Dalmatian

An older, tired-looking Dalmatian dog wandered into my yard the other day. I could tell from his collar, veterinarian tags and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me wagging his tail. I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up on my leather couch and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot on the couch and again slept for about 2 hours. This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious, one day I pinned a note to his collar reading: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day the dog arrived again for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

Doctor jokes-Pipe burst

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

Humor jokes-Locket

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.
"Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.
The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."

Kids jokes-Hebrew

The Hebrew school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little David interrupted.
"My Mommy looked back once while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"