Humor jokes-Insulted

When Bob came home, his wife Diane was crying. "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed.
"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Bob asked.
"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."
"And?"
"At the end of the letter she wrote:
PS. Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."

Sardar jokes-Bomb

There were two Sardarjis Bantya and Santya, employed as bombers. They had to place a time bomb in order to explode a building. So they were going on their destination in a car. On their way Bantya asked Santya, "Santya what will happen if the time bomb explodes in this car itself." Santya replied "Don't worry, I have a spare one!!!!!"

Short humor jokes-Sign

I asked my friend what sign he was born under and he said he was conceived under the
"No Parking" sign.

Really funny jokes-Graveside service

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
Since I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen,"
"Praise the Lord," and "Glory"! I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before: from Genesis all the way to Revelation. I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Kids jokes-Working for me

Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"
The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"
The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"

Doctor jokes-Contractions

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Clean jokes-Holding hands

John says to his friend, "My Mary and I, we are always holding hands."
"Why do you do this?" asks his friend.
"Because if I let go, she shops."

A point to prove

A blonde and her brunette friend were talking. The blonde says, "I hate all the blonde jokes people say."

"Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here I'll prove it to you," replies her brunette friend.

So they went outside and hailed a taxi driver.

"Please take me to 29 Nickle Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.

The taxi drove them, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See, that guy was really stupid."

"No kidding," replies the blonde." There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."

Really funny jokes-Italian Meal

The customer in the Italian restaurant in Boston's North End was so pleased with his meal that he asked to speak to the chef.
"Certainly! Come with me," the owner said as he proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.
"Your Pasta Quattro Formaggi was superb!" the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I had over there."
"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported!"

Short humor jokes-Spread

Some people will grow up and spread cheer, others just grow up and spread.

Lawyer jokes-Dealing With Bribes

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000."
The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon ... "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits."

Doctor jokes-Drinks

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"

Short humor jokes-Email on 1st April

If you're in the armed services, and it's April 1st, and you get an
e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.

Funny jokes-Heather's concern

As a trucker stops for a red light, a girl catches up.

She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.

As if they've never spoken, the girl says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the girl gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window.

Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the girl.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in New York and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"