Short funny SMS jokes

Enjoy six short funny SMS jokes

Man : "I want to find out if I have the grounds for a divorce."
Lawyer: "Are you married?"
Man: "Why , yes, if course."
Lawyer " "Then you have grounds"


Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home.He probably lies about other things too.


The world's thinnest book has only oneword written in it 'everything' and the book is titled:"What women want!"


There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman,before marriage and after marriage!


Why did you hit your husband with chair?
"I couldn't lift the table"


"You looked troubled" I told my friend , "what's your problem?"
He replied,"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful",I said.
"What's wonderful? my wife doesn't know about it."

Funny jokes-Good choice!!

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.

Really funny jokes-Police Applicant

Blondie walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview.

Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"

"Ummm... 4!" Blondie says.

Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: "What's the square root of 100?"

"Ummm... 10!" Blondie says.

"Good!" the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history. "OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

"Ummm... I don't know," she admits.

"Well, you can go home and think about it," he says, "and come back later and tell me what you've figured out." He figures that's the last he'll see of her.

Blondie goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

"Not only did I get the job," Blondie says, "but I've already been assigned to a murder case!"

Humor jokes-Football match up in Heaven

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about football. This goes on and on with both arguing who would field the best team.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral ground between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
"But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."
"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed, "but we've got all the officials!"

Short humor jokes-Trouble for whom?

It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, Boy, are you in trouble? I'm a lawyer!
The driver looked out his window and said, No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge.

Kids jokes-Comparison with God

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked , 'Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?'
I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, 'No, how are we alike?'
'You're both old,' he replied.

Really funny jokes-Man Loses his "Manhood"

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.
His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.
The Dr. said that the cost would be $3500 for "small," $6500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the Dr. urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The Dr. came back into the room, and found the man looking quite rejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the Dr.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

Really funny jokes-Real Estate salesman's honesty

"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.
"The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."
"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.
"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

Funny jokes-Married for the 4th time!

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

Really funny jokes-The wonderful Patient

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "May I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."

Short funny Husband - Wife jokes

Enjoy three short funny husband wife jokes.


A Husband said to his wife One day "I don't know how you can be so stupid & so beautiful all at the same time ,"
The wife responded ," Allow me to explain ,God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me ; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !"


Tormented by her husband's infidelities a wife decided to take some decisive action. So the next night she took a magic marker pen and printed the following legend on the crotch of her panties " LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT"

A husband read an article to his wife , about how many words women use a day is 30,000.But in the case of a man it is 15,000.The wife replied "the reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men".The husband then turned to his wife and asked , "What?"

Really funny jokes-Historical

A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore."
"What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks.
"It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!"
"You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling.
"No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "I still remember that time when you ...."

Humor jokes-Elderly womens' woes

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

Funny jokes-Cheats

Little Johnny to Billy, "You know, Jane Smith CHEATS!"
"Why do you say that?" asked Billy.
"Well she said she'd show me hers if I showed her mine - but it turns out she hasn't got one!" exclaimed Little Johnny.