Really funny jokes-Discoveries

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.

Humor jokes-Beer

A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered.
"I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

Really funny jokes-The feminist

A radical feminist gets on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.
"Here we go again," she thinks to herself. "Yet another man attempting to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A minute passes and the man tries to get up again. She's insulted again and refuses to allow him to get up.
This happens several times over the next few minutes.
Finally, the man pleads, "Lady, please, you have to let me get up. I'm already a couple of miles past my stop!"

Really funny jokes-Letter from Mother to a Son

Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,
Merry Christmas to you and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering that I can't breath or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along my last $10.00 in this card. Which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.
Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me--we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got a yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?
Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don't you worry about me. I'm getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off and am grateful because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain. Now don't you even think about sending any more money because I know you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year. Give my love to my darling grand-babies and my regards to whatever-her- name-is-- the one with the black roots who stole you screaming from my bosom.

Humor jokes-Thank you notes

One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties.
As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given.
The next year things were different, however.
"The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly.
"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in behavior?"
"Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."

Really funny jokes-Movie

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.
After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."

Really funny jokes-Quotes

Woman's Quote of the Day:
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."

Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:
"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full- bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

Humor jokes-The three wishes

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'
The woman said, 'That's okay.'
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world; an Adonis whom women will flock to'.
The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.'
So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'
The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.'
So, KAZAM - she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Funny jokes-Curse

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

SMS jokes

Enjoy four SMS jokes , you may send it to your friends


Which is the sweetest part of the body?It's oval in shape,it's surrounded by hair,salt water comes from it.Don't be silly : it's 'Beautiful Eyes'

Whenever I want Ur presence I read Ur SMS....whenever I want to see u,I close eyes,whenever I want to hear ur voice, I throw a stone at a dog.


Do u remember that day .When we had gone out in a car.I put my dog out & u put ur face out;people shouted "Twins..Twins"..Sweet memories na...?


Pls send ur Biodata & photo 2 Hutch..
U'll get a gud package + A chance 2 come on T.V. So apply soon.Bcoz Hutch's Dog died.They want a monkey.

Really funny jokes-Who's the BOSS?

Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend Joe sitting on a stool.
"Joe," Bill said, "I'm glad to see that your wife finally let you out of the house."
"Things have been different with my wife," Joe said. "In fact, just the other day, I decided to show her who was the boss."
"How did you do that?" asked Bill.
"I simply said to her, 'Mabel, we are going to have it out right now, and I am going to show you who the boss is in this relationship' ."
"What happened?"
"Well, I don't want to brag, but I managed to get her on her hands and knees."
"How did you do that?"
"I was hiding under the bed at the time."

Humor jokes-Been drinking

Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have 'tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinnesses -- couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later..."
And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyser test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?"

Really funny jokes-What happens when teachers die

A teacher dies and goes to Heaven. When she gets there she meets Saint Peter at the pearly gates. Peter says to her, "Welcome to Heaven. Let me give you an orientation first."
So Peter takes her to some beautiful houses.
The teacher asks, "Who lives here in these beautiful houses?"
"These are for doctors. They did a lot of good on Earth so they get a nice mansion," replies Peter.
Peter takes the teacher to some more mansions. These were more magnificent than the first.
"Wow, who lives here?"
"These mansions are for social workers. They did a lot of good on Earth, but didn't make a lot of money so they get a better house."
Peter takes the teacher to some more mansions. These are the most gorgeous homes she had ever seen. They have huge columns, well manicured lawns, beautiful stained glass windows - the works!
"These are the most beautiful homes I have ever seen," exclaims the teacher. "Who lives here?!"
"Teachers live here," says Peter, "they did much good on Earth and received very little money, so they get the best houses in all of Heaven."
"But where are all of the teachers?" inquires the teacher.
Peter answers, "Oh, they'll be back soon. They're all in Hell at a faculty meeting."

Short jokes-Preacher

The minister's car wouldn't start. When the tow truck driver arrived, the minister says, "I hope you go easy on me. You know I'm only a poor preacher."
"Yep," replied the tow truck driver, "I've heard you preach."