Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband:Sure, what are my choices?
Wife :Yes and no.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Funny jokes- Humor with Waiters
Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.
~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
~~~~~~
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.
~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
~~~~~~
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Humor jokes-Marriage Councelor
A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counselor. The counselor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant. "So," said the counselor, "you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally."
The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?"
"Yes," said the counselor. "He gets $2,000. You get $2,000."
"What about my furniture? I paid for that."
"Same thing," answered the counselor. "Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen."
There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What about our three children?"
That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. "Go back and live together until your fourth child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two."
The wife shook her head. "No, I'm sure that wouldn't work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn't have the three I got."
The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?"
"Yes," said the counselor. "He gets $2,000. You get $2,000."
"What about my furniture? I paid for that."
"Same thing," answered the counselor. "Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen."
There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What about our three children?"
That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. "Go back and live together until your fourth child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two."
The wife shook her head. "No, I'm sure that wouldn't work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn't have the three I got."
Clean jokes-Wife Rules!
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage.
He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said,
"I do."
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does."
He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said,
"I do."
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does."
Short blonde jokes
A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says, "Open wide."
"I can't" replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."
"I can't" replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Sardar jokes - Weight loss
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,
but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
I'm 2400 kms from home.
lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,
but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
I'm 2400 kms from home.
Short sardarji joke - Accident
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar : Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Sardar : Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Humor jokes-Without glasses
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you look pretty good, too!"
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you look pretty good, too!"
Really funny jokes-The envelopes
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds four envelopes.
On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered one to three.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second and envelope three third."
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back and forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes and is losing money fast. After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the three envelopes.
So, he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing."
Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved and everybody's happy.
A few months later, another strike hits.
He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads: "Blame the government for everything."
It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A month later, the workers declare another strike.
The manager goes to the third envelope and it reads: "Prepare four new envelopes."
On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered one to three.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second and envelope three third."
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back and forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes and is losing money fast. After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the three envelopes.
So, he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing."
Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved and everybody's happy.
A few months later, another strike hits.
He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads: "Blame the government for everything."
It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A month later, the workers declare another strike.
The manager goes to the third envelope and it reads: "Prepare four new envelopes."
Funny jokes-Little old man
A women saw a wizzened little old man with a big smile on his face, sat rocking in a chair on his porch. She walked up to him and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look. What's your secret for a long happy life"?
He said, "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a case of whisky a week, I eat all the fatty foods I can, and never do any exercise".
The women said, "That's amazing. How old are you now"?
He replied, "Twenty six".
He said, "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a case of whisky a week, I eat all the fatty foods I can, and never do any exercise".
The women said, "That's amazing. How old are you now"?
He replied, "Twenty six".
Monday, December 3, 2007
Animal jokes-the dog
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
Short funny jokes-Lonely frog
A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.
His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."
His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."
Really funny jokes-The dying Priest
The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years, he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital in Washington D.C. He motioned for his nurse to come near.
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse
"I would really like to see President Bill and Senator Hillary Clinton before I die," whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived; the Clintons would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Hillary commented to Bill, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images and might even get me elected President. After all, I'm IN IT TO WIN IT."
Bill agreed--it was a very good thing for her campaign once they put out a press release about it.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the old priest took Bill's hand in his right hand and Hillary's hand in his left.
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face. Finally Bill Clinton spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you
near the end?"
The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
"Amen" said Bill.
"Amen" said Hillary.
The old priest continued...
"He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse
"I would really like to see President Bill and Senator Hillary Clinton before I die," whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived; the Clintons would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Hillary commented to Bill, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images and might even get me elected President. After all, I'm IN IT TO WIN IT."
Bill agreed--it was a very good thing for her campaign once they put out a press release about it.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the old priest took Bill's hand in his right hand and Hillary's hand in his left.
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face. Finally Bill Clinton spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you
near the end?"
The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
"Amen" said Bill.
"Amen" said Hillary.
The old priest continued...
"He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)