Short blonde jokes

A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says, "Open wide."
"I can't" replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."

Sardar jokes - Weight loss

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,
but he had a problem.

"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.

I'm 2400 kms from home.

Short sardarji joke - Accident

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Sardar : Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Humor jokes-Without glasses

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you look pretty good, too!"

Really funny jokes-The envelopes

The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds four envelopes.
On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered one to three.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second and envelope three third."
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back and forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes and is losing money fast. After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the three envelopes.
So, he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing."
Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved and everybody's happy.
A few months later, another strike hits.
He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads: "Blame the government for everything."
It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A month later, the workers declare another strike.
The manager goes to the third envelope and it reads: "Prepare four new envelopes."

Funny jokes-Little old man

A women saw a wizzened little old man with a big smile on his face, sat rocking in a chair on his porch. She walked up to him and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look. What's your secret for a long happy life"?
He said, "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a case of whisky a week, I eat all the fatty foods I can, and never do any exercise".
The women said, "That's amazing. How old are you now"?
He replied, "Twenty six".

Animal jokes-the dog

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

Short funny jokes-Lonely frog

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.
His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

Adult Humor Picture - Mushroom

For Heaven's Sake

Will someone tell her ,

It's a mushroom !

Really funny jokes-The dying Priest

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years, he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital in Washington D.C. He motioned for his nurse to come near.
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse
"I would really like to see President Bill and Senator Hillary Clinton before I die," whispered the priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived; the Clintons would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Hillary commented to Bill, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images and might even get me elected President. After all, I'm IN IT TO WIN IT."
Bill agreed--it was a very good thing for her campaign once they put out a press release about it.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the old priest took Bill's hand in his right hand and Hillary's hand in his left.
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face. Finally Bill Clinton spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you
near the end?"
The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
"Amen" said Bill.
"Amen" said Hillary.
The old priest continued...
"He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."

Humor jokes-Never had an argument

A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years."
"Amazing," said the councelor. "How did you do it?"
"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."

Really funny jokes-Role reversal

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency.
So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore."
So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television.
She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."

Sardar joke - Santa banta fishing

santa singh & banta singh rented a boat and fished in a lake every day.

One day they had a huge haul of 30 fish. santa said to banta.

"There's lots of fish here! Mark this spot so that we can come here

tomorrow." The next day when they were driving to rent the boat,

santa asked banta , "Did you mark that spot?" banta replied,

"Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the boat!" santa said, "You fool! What if we dont get that same boat today!?!?"

Office jokes-Proper Dress Code

A recent college graduate got hired by the human-development center of a large corporation to train the employees in proper dress code and etiquette.
One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man who was casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.
"Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" she said in a scolding tone.
"That's one of the benefits of owning the company," the man replied with a grin.