Short humor jokes-Large pill

A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the results.
Some time later an orderly appeared and handed the man a large pill.
Just then a mother with a small child in need of immediate attention entered. After the orderly disappeared with the new patient, the man hobbled over to get a glass of water, swallow the pill, and sat down to wait. Some time later the orderly reappeared carrying a bucket of water.
"Okay," he said, "Let's drop the pill in this bucket and soak your foot for a while."

Short humor jokes-Easy operation!

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.
A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

Humor Jokes-A real city slicker

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things ... chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go out shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs"

Really Funny Jokes-The Safety Competition

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asked.
The man responded, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, "Are we over the border yet?"

Funny jokes-Rules for Women

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.
2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
6. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
7. Crying is blackmail.
8. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
9. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
10. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
12. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
14. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
15. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

Humor jokes- The convention

80,000 Pathans meet in the Peshawar Stadium for a "Pathans Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Pathans are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A Pathan works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 PAthans start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the pathan starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance-- What is 2 plus 2?"
The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 pathans jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Humor jokes- Hell

A young lady comes home from a date, rather sad.
Her mother asks, "What's the matter, Honey?"
"Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?"
"Because he's an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell!"
"Marry him anyway. dear. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how wrong he really is."

Kids jokes-Exam results

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' (sea) level"

Humor jokes-The farmer's daughters

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them.
As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young man at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.

Really Funny Jokes-Cold Water

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather' s dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car"
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted...
"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!"

Funny joke - Programmer -Manager and Tunnel

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through
the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit
except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her
grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the
young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!”

Short teacher jokes- Kids Jokes

Enjoy 6 teacher-kids jokes !

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!

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TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER : No, that’s wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
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TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!

Kids jokes-Dollar for the lady

A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the required sum.
"There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."

Really Funny Jokes-Sacrifice Love

A man rushes into a Dentist's office accompanied with his wife.
The man pleaded to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one big of a hurry!
I have two team partners sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf.
I can't wait for anesthetic to work and loose my precious time.
So doc, forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it.
The dentist pondered to himself, "This sure is a strange strong patient asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain for the love of game."
So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth it is to pull?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show him your aching tooth."