Jokes for the day

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well- groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote:

"I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've
never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.

And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.

The love dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house.
She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in- law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work, " the daughter-in- law answered
" But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in- law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress, " she explained.
"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered and put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing , " he said. "What's for dinner?"

school teacher joke

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''

The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''

''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''

My wife?

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a gun!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

The most important discoveries

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered

New short Sardar jokes

Enjoy following four short sardarji jokes !

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

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Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

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On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.


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2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

clean jokes

Say What?

There was an elderly man visiting a doctor for his check-up. As he was leaving he asked the doctor if he could recommend a specialist for his wife. "What's wrong with her?" asked the doctor. The old man explained that her hearing was getting so bad that it was almost embarrassing. The doctor said he knew of several specialists that could help but he wanted the old man to do a little test when he got home to help the doctor determine the severity of her hearing loss. The doctor said "When you get home, make sure your wife's back is turned to you and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond walk closer and ask her again. Keep doing this until she answers and let me know the results".

That night when the old man opened the door of his home he could see his wife in the kitchen preparing dinner. She was at the counter with her back to the door. "What's for dinner?" the old man asked. His wife did not respond so he walks to the doorway of the kitchen and asked the question again. Still, he was greeted with silence. This time he walks up just behind her and asks once again "What's for dinner?" His wife spins around a bit agitated and says "For the third time, Fried Chicken!!"

sardarji jokes

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from
his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.

sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

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Hindi Sardar Joke

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?

Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

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Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

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How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it

Old age

Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, " Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of ' careful consideration' , she answered "Yes. Yes, I will. "
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to Their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just Could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to The telephone and called her.
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I Meant it with all my heart. " Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

Moral

Do you know the relationship between two eyes..? They blink together,
They move together, they cry together, they see things together and
They sleep together BUT THEY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.. that's what's friendship
But when a beautiful girl comes in front, one eye goes blink and the other remains open...

Moral of the story : Girls can break even the best of friendships.

Humor jokes

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.
About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks. "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program? "
Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street ?'
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a gun before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"

Humor Jokes

women are clever, and men are................

check out man !!!!


MUST READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.


She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."


The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!"


The woman said, "That's okay."



For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."


So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!


For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That


will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."



So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!



The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack!"



Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!


Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!


Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!



Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart!

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!


PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!


Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour!

Definations

CONFIDENCE:
One Day all villagers decided to pray for rain.
On the day of prayer all people gathered & only one boy come with umbrella. THATS CONFIDENCE.

TRUST:
Trust should be like feeling of a 1 year old baby, when you throw him in the air, he laughs....
Because he know you will catch him...

HOPE:
Every night we go to bed, have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning
But still we have many plans for coming day...

Humor Jokes

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
"May we see the new baby?" one asked.
" Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and another
Relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they
Asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"
"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he cries?"
"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?????"