Really funny American jokes

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense Against The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies,& Very Little Else

Short funny jokes-Holiday in England

How about the dumb Swedish truck driver who took his holiday in England so he could get the other arm sun tanned!

Funny American jokes

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don't Own It Yet.

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

One line jokes-Crowded Elevator

Confucius says-
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Funny jokes-Sign here

Louise went into her bank to cash a cheque. She looked so hesitant that the cashier went to help her. 'Please sign the back of the cheque, 'the teller told her, 'as you'd sign a letter.

'Louise looked extremely grateful, scribbled on the cheque and passed it back to the cashier.

Signed on the back was: 'Yours affectionately, Louise.'

Birthday jokes-Balloon

What did the birthday balloon state to the pin?

“Hi, Buster.”

Really funny jokes-Degree of Urgency

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'.

Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"

The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.

"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency," replied Brennan.

Funny jokes-Inconsiderate husband

Question. What is the definition of an inconsiderate husband?

Answer. One who wins a trip to Paris and goes by himself, twice.

Good jokes-New Swedish Navy

Why does the NEW Swedish navy have glass-bottom boats?

To see the OLD Swedish navy.

Really funny jokes-American soldier

A battle weary American soldier boarded a crowded train in in London during the early days of post-WWII, only to discover he was unable to find a place to sit.

As he walked the length of the train, he noticed a small white dog curled up on one of the seats.

A large, well dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog.

The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.

"Excuse me, Ma'am," the soldier finally spoke, "Is this your dog?

Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?"

The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, "Oh! You Americans. You are so rude. Fluffy is in that seat, and I see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you."

The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out.

The woman gaped and spluttered in horrified indignation, and the man sitting across from her lowered his newspaper.

"You Americans", he said, "You drive on the wrong side of the road ... You eat with the wrong fork ... and you just threw the wrong woman out the window."

One line jokes-Overdressed

People who are wrapped up in themselves are overdressed.

Funny jokes-Expensive fishing trip!

Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish.

Ole says, "The way I figger it, Sven, each of them fish cost us $400.

Well, at dat price it's a good ting we didn't catch any more of em than we did," says Sven.

Blonde jokes-Ice hockey team

Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?

A: They drowned in Spring training.

Really funny jokes-You know you are living in 2011

You know you are living in 2011 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the shopping.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go home and get it !!

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your tea or coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message to.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list !!