Funny jokes-Losing hair

Boss: “Sam, you are still so young. Why have you lost so much hair.”

Sam: “Yes sir, it's worry and tension.”

Boss: “What worry?”

Sam: “Losing my hair, sir.”

Clean jokes-Living in Beirut

You live in Beirut when:

1. You can't speak in just one language for more than two sentences straight.

2. You know people by their cars... "Tony with the silver BMW, not the blue one. Tony with the blue one was hanging out with Jean with the black Mercedes. They were met up by Georges with the Red GTI"

3. The guy who polishes your shoes for 250 lira (16 cents) has a brand new state of the art cell phone.

4. You can't get a job because you're not Syrian, Filipino, Sri Lankan, or Egyptian.

5. You have family members in at least three other continents.

6. During the World Cup, you forget what country you're in because of all the Brazilian, German, French, and Italian flags hanging on people's cars, balconies, and over the street.

7. The driver in front of you has a "Michael Schumacher" sticker on his rear window.

Really funny jokes-Wiper blades

I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain.

Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattle snakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine.

What! You've never heard of . . . wind chilled vipers?

Hilarious jokes-The chant

There was this man wandering around a by lane aimlessly. He suddenly heard a group shouting “twenty…..twenty…..twenty” in chorus as if in a trance. He saw a building with a tall fence from which the chant was coming.

Curious, the man went near the building, and found a small hole in the fence. He bent a little, put one eye to the hole and saw a group of men chanting the number over and over again. Before he could see further, a finger came out from the hole and poked him in the eye.

As he stumbled back, the chant changed to “twenty one….. twenty one….. twenty one.”

Short funny jokes-Sentimental value

Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn't any good, it only has sentimental value.

Mugger: That's all right. I AM sentimental.

Really funny jokes-Men are like

Men are like.....Place mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.

Men are like.....Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like.....Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like.....High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like.....Curling irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like.....Mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like.....Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

Hilarious jokes-Cure for constipation

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo, who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.

When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

Short funny jokes-A ring

A girl asked her boyfriend: 'Darling, if we get engaged, will you give me a ring?'

The boy replied, "Sure, what's your phone number?'

Really funny jokes-Oysters

A woman went to see a Doctor, complaining of an upset stomach.

The Doctor asked "What did you have for dinner last night?"

"Oysters," she replied.

"Were the oysters fresh?" asked the doctor.

"How should I know?" said the lady.

"Well," asked the doctor, "couldn't you tell when you took off the shells?"

"Oh my god," gasped the lady. "Are you supposed to take off the shells?"

Good jokes-Cover them too

Upon receiving several complaints of spellings, grammar and such other mistakes from readers in one newspaper, the editor put the following article in his editor’s note:

“We are the only newspaper which is aware that other than subjects like politics, sports, celebrity gossip, business news etc, some people are particularly fond of finding faults (like puzzles) in news prints. We try and cover them too. "

Funny jokes-Previous forest officer

A forest officer was transferred to a remote area deep inside the jungle where the population was still uncivilized. Further, it was rumored that once upon a time, the people of this tribe were cannibals.

One day the officer asked a small child: “Dear boy, how was our previous forest officer?”

The child replied: “Very tasty, sir.”

Really funny jokes-Do angels fly?

Child: “Mom, do angels fly?”

Mom: “Yes, they do.”

Child: “Then why doesn’t our maid fly?”

Mom: “But she is not an angel.”

Child: “Yes, she is. Dad calls her angel.”

Mom: “Does he? All right, you will see her fly tomorrow.”

One line jokes-Focus on others

We're not truly happy until we focus on others.

Adult jokes-Raising the mast

At the yacth club, a guy leered at a girl. "Hey, baby, would you help me 'raise my mast'?"

"No thanks," she said sweetly. "I heard about you from your ex and she included a 'small craft' warning."