One line jokes-Follow your dreams

Follow your dreams, except the one where you’re at school in your underwear.

Animal jokes-Pampered cow

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

Funny jokes-Look fat?

When your wife asks, "Do I look fat?"

The correct response is, "Do I look stupid?"

SMS jokes-Reruns

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in West Virginia?

Documentaries.

Short funny jokes-Bored housewife

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 41, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep her busy.

Funny jokes-Losing hair

Boss: “Sam, you are still so young. Why have you lost so much hair.”

Sam: “Yes sir, it's worry and tension.”

Boss: “What worry?”

Sam: “Losing my hair, sir.”

Short funny jokes-Sentimental value

Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn't any good, it only has sentimental value.

Mugger: That's all right. I AM sentimental.

Short funny jokes-A ring

A girl asked her boyfriend: 'Darling, if we get engaged, will you give me a ring?'

The boy replied, "Sure, what's your phone number?'

One line jokes-Focus on others

We're not truly happy until we focus on others.

Celebrity jokes-Internet address

Q. What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?

A. Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

Short funny jokes-Fat and drunk

Apparently, teenagers are soaking Gummy bears in vodka and then eating them to get drunk. It does make me somewhat proud to be an American, because we finally found a way to get fat and drunk at the same time.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Short funny jokes-Is it yours?

"Dad, I'm pregnant," declared the daughter.

"Hold on a second. Are you certain it's yours?" the Polish father responded.

One line jokes-Help others

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Short funny jokes-Half job

A student went to a bookstore to buy a Maths book.

The shopkeeper told him, "This book will do half the job for you,"

The student replied "Great, I will buy two of those"

Hilarious jokes-Indecisive

Statement by a candidate in Washington State during the 2000 campaign:

"...and if elected, I will not be, as my opponent has been in office, undecisive, uh, indecisive."h

Obama jokes-Nintendo for the Pope

“So they gave the Queen an iPod. I remember when British Prime Minister Gordon Brown was here, the Obamas gave him a DVD box set. So, it looks like they’re saving the big gift, the Nintendo, for the Pope.”
–Jay Leno

Short funny jokes-Party game

What is a party game played by Swedes?

One Swede goes into a box and the other Swede tries to guess which Swede is in it.

Adult jokes-Curly hair

In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair?

Apparently, it's Africa.

Obama jokes-Unusual gift

“It’s a great day for our president, Barack Obama, who got to meet the Queen of England today. She very regally gave him a photograph of her, and he gave her an iPod! That’s quite an unusual gift from the President. Usually he gives out about $150 million.”
–Craig Ferguson

Celebrity jokes-Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent

Q: What did Snoop Dogg say to 50 Cent when he saw him putting on a sweater?

A: Hey G, you knit?