Showing posts with label christmas jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas jokes. Show all posts

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas jokes-Top 10 ways to confuse Santa Claus

Top 10 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus on Christmas

10. Instead of milk and cookies leave Santa a Weight Watchers bar and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds!

9. While Santa’s in the house... go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket!

8. While Santa’s in the house... replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to fly!

7. Keep a bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big fat Santa suit!!

6. Leave a note by the telephone telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wants to remind him to pick up a loaf of bread on his way home.

5. Take everything out of your house as if it has just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well, well… They always return to the scene of the crime"

4. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute corrections.

3. Leave out a Santa suit with a dry-cleaning bill.

2. Instead of Christmas ornaments decorate your tree with pumpkins!

1. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa Claus to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us buddy!!"

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas jokes-Snowman and Shark

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark?

Frostbite!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Christmas jokes-Peace on Earth

Letters to Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Christmas jokes-Angel on top of the Christmas tree

Many have asked, “What is the reason for the angel on top of the Christmas tree?”

Once upon a time Santa was rushed to get ready for Christmas. He had told Mrs. Claus to wake him at 5 a.m. and to have his breakfast ready with a lunch to bring along. He also told the elves to have all the Christmas presents packed in the sleigh and the reindeer harnessed by 5:30.

At 5:30 the following morning Santa Claus awoke and jumped out of bed furious with Mrs. Claus for NOT waking him up on time! Santa’s mood only got worse when he realized Mrs. Claus had NOT fixed breakfast or lunch!! Santa then ran out to his sleigh only to see that the elves had NO presents packed and the reindeer were running wild in the pasture!!!

About this time a little angel walked by dragging a large Christmas tree. Santa tried to ignore since he wasn’t his jolly old self.

But, the angel spoke up and said, "Santa what should I do with this Christmas tree?"

And that is the reason for the angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas jokes-Elves

Q. Why does Santa use Elves?

A. There is no trade union for Elves. They're easy to exploit.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Christmas jokes-Pop

What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ?

My pop is bigger than yours !

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Christmas jokes-Never hungry

Who is never hungry at Christmas ?

The turkey - he's always stuffed !

Friday, December 17, 2010

Christmas jokes-Eat Decorations

Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ?

You get tinsel-itus !