I took my brother, Nikhil to college. He was curious to meet our cross-eyed professor who could not control his pupils.
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Showing posts with label Teacher Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Teacher Jokes. Show all posts
Friday, July 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Funny jokes-Good morning!
How to identify students when the professor walks into the class and says good morning.
* If the students say good morning back, they are Freshmen.
* If the students put their newspapers down and open their books, they are Sophomores.
* If they look up so they can see the professor over the tops of the newspapers, they are Juniors.
* If they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, they are Seniors.
* If they write it down, they are Graduate students.
* If the students say good morning back, they are Freshmen.
* If the students put their newspapers down and open their books, they are Sophomores.
* If they look up so they can see the professor over the tops of the newspapers, they are Juniors.
* If they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, they are Seniors.
* If they write it down, they are Graduate students.
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Teacher jokes-Sleeping student
The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"
Labels:
Kids Jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Teacher jokes-Classroom
A geography teacher entered the class and the children greeted in chorus: “Good morning, sir.”
The Teacher greeted them back saying, “Good morning, students. Now where were we yesterday?”
A back-bencher promptly answered, “Right here in this classroom, sir.”
The Teacher greeted them back saying, “Good morning, students. Now where were we yesterday?”
A back-bencher promptly answered, “Right here in this classroom, sir.”
Labels:
Kids Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Funny jokes-Do you know
Teacher: “Jasper, what is this thing they call Twitter?”
Jasper: “What do you think it is, Mam?”
Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”
Jasper: “I don’t think I know either, Mam!”
Jasper: “What do you think it is, Mam?”
Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”
Jasper: “I don’t think I know either, Mam!”
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Kids jokes-Natural history lesson
The teacher was discussing natural history with her class of eight-year old kids.
She began by saying, "Do you know Worker ants can carry food particles that are five times their own weight. What is to be learnt from this?"
A kid raised his hand and replied: "They don't have a union."
She began by saying, "Do you know Worker ants can carry food particles that are five times their own weight. What is to be learnt from this?"
A kid raised his hand and replied: "They don't have a union."
Labels:
Kids Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Friday, April 6, 2012
Lawyer jokes-Orange
The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"
Labels:
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Monday, March 19, 2012
Funny jokes-Flipping coin
A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying:
"Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"
The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"
"Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"
The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Kids jokes-Missed school
Teacher: Tim, you missed school yesterday, didn't you?
Tim: Not a bit!
Tim: Not a bit!
Labels:
Kids Jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Friday, March 9, 2012
Light bulb jokes-School teachers
How many school teachers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Teacher jokes-Earth is round
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Kids Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Really funny jokes-Horrible story
The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class :
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk."
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk."
Labels:
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Teacher jokes-The offer
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's."
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Good jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Thanksgiving jokes-Baseballs
Teacher: "What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"
Student: "Baseballs."
Teacher: "Baseballs?"
Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"
Student: "Baseballs."
Teacher: "Baseballs?"
Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Kids Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Teacher jokes-Banana diet
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet.
Andy: Did she lose weight?
Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Andy: Did she lose weight?
Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Labels:
Hilarious jokes,
Short funny jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Teacher jokes-Comments made by NYC teachers
Actual comments made by NYC teachers on their report cards as of their final narratives. All teachers were reprimanded!
1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your child is depriving a village of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When tour daughter’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t here.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
11. It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is gone.
1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your child is depriving a village of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When tour daughter’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t here.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
11. It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is gone.
Labels:
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Teacher jokes-Hadrians Wall
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Kids Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Monday, July 18, 2011
Really funny jokes-Talkative Sally
Eight year old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Teacher jokes-Two and two
Teacher: What’s 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That’s good.
Pupil: Good?, that’s perfect!
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That’s good.
Pupil: Good?, that’s perfect!
Labels:
Kids Jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Really funny jokes-Fourth of July
The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. 'We live in a great country,' she announced. 'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.'
Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.'
Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.'
Labels:
Kids Jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
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