Kids jokes-Father's income

The Mathematics teacher, Mrs. Simpson, had a question for Little Bernie. She asked, "Tell me Bernie, if your Father's income was $ 100 and he gave half of it to your mother, what would she get?"

Little Bernie was quick to answer, "A heart attack!"

Short joke-Banana

Little Johnny: Tell me what made the banana go to the doctor?

Little Bobby: Did it have fever?

Little Johnny: No, it went cos it wasn’t peeling well!

Strict daddy

Dean had a very hard day at office and when he returned home his five-year-old pestered him to play games. Finally it was bed time and Dean was real tired.

Dean said sternly to the boy: “Sonny, no more games. You change into your night suit, brush your teeth and go straight to bed.”

The little boy gave him a tight hug and whispered: “Dad, I learned about small kids in orphanages who don’t have their daddies.”

Dean was moved that the little kid appreciated having his father with him.

The little one again whispered: “Is it possible for you to go and be their dad?”

Mother's broom

On a pleasant evening, a small boy was playing in the backyard of his house with his mother’s broom. He pretended to be a witch flying on the broom. By the time he finished his play, it was quite dark.

Unable to locate the broom in its usual place, the boy’s mother asked the little one about it. The boy confessed that he had left it in the backyard. The mother asked him to fetch it immediately upon which the boy said it was quite dark in the backyard and he was scared to step out to get the broom.

The mother patted him kindly and said: “God is everywhere. He is out there too. So don’t be afraid and ask for his help.”

The boy went and opened the back door a crack and shouted: “Oh god, my mother says you are out there. Can you please bring me my mother’s broom please.”

No sleep walking!

It was bedtime for Little Ted and he insisted on taking his bicycle to bed with him.

His mother, a little surprised by the strange request, asked him why he wanted to do that.

Ted replied, "Mom, I don't want to walk in my sleep!"

God is....

My little son Ronnie is imaginative and like all 6-year-olds, has a lot of questions to ask.

The other day, he asked me, "Mom, is God a male or a female?"

I couldn't think of a better answer, so I replied "God is both."

He immediately shot the next question, "Is God black or white?"

I replied again, "Both."

He returned after a while and declared, "I found out who God is. God is Michael Jackson!"

Little Johnny jokes-Bicycle ride

Little Johnny was riding his bicycle on the pavement when he hit an old woman and knocked her down. Initially shaken, she regained her composure and got up. Visibly upset, she turned to Little Johnny and yelled, 'Don't you know how to ride a bicycle?'

'I do,' Little Johnny answered, 'but I haven't learned how to ring the bell yet.'

Three Little Pigs

The story of the day in the first grade was the Three Little Pigs. Mrs. Taylor, the teacher was reading out the story when she came to the part where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.

She said, "And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said 'Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?' "

Then Mrs. Taylor had a question for the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know the answer... . . . . 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!!' "

The teacher was speechless for the next few minutes...

Little Johnny jokes-Hate war?

The History teacher had just finished a chapter on World War I.

She asked the class, "How many of you are against war?"

A number of hands shot up. The teacher said, "Ok, Little Johnny, you tell us, why are you not in favor of war?"

"I hate war, miss." Little Johnny said, "That's because wars end up making history, and history is my least favorite subject."

Kids jokes-Wagon

English teacher says to her student: Sam, please use the word "wagon" in a sentence.

Sam: If I told my dog to stop wagon his tail, he would still wag on.

Really funny jokes-Dad's little trick

My brother, John, and his wife, Rebecca, had just finished tucking their children into bed when they heard crying sounds coming from the kids' room. They rushed into the room and found little Suzie crying hysterically.

She had accidentally swallowed a 5p piece and believed she was going to die. No amount of convincing would console her. Trying to calm her, John took out a 5p coin that he had in his pocket and pretended to remove it from Suzie's ear. Suzie was delighted beyond words and in a flash, snatched the coin from her father's hand, swallowed it and insisted cheerfully - 'Do it again, Dad!'

Really funny jokes-Maths class

The math teacher saw that Daphne wasn't paying attention in class. She called on her and said, 'Daphne! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'

Daphne quickly replied, 'ABC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!'

Hilarious jokes-Rhubarb

A little boy goes up to Old Tom the gardener and says, ‘What do you put on your rhubarb?’

‘Well, usually rotted horse manure,’ replies Old Ned.

‘We have custard.’ says the little boy.

Hilarious jokes-Only child

Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."

"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her u are the only child?"

"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"

Kids jokes-Digging potatoes

A small boy is helping his grandfather dig up potatoes.

‘What I want to know,’ he says, ‘is why you buried the damn things in the first place.’

Short funny jokes-Batman under roller

Tommy: “What happens if Batman is rolled under a steam roller?”

Sunny: “You get a Flat man.”

Kids jokes-Nobody else

Jack:"There is something I can do that nobody else in my school can do. Not even teachers!"

Rob: "What's that?"

Jack: "Read my handwriting"

Clean jokes-White hair

Little Sonia was looking intently at her mother.

Mother: “What’s the matter? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Sonia: “Some of your hair are white mom.”

Mother: “That’s right. Whenever you make a mischief, one of my hairs turns white. That’s how some have become white.”

Sonia was thoughtful: “Are all of grandma’s hair white due to the same reason?”

Kids jokes-Curtains

"Close the curtains," came the order from my two year old son who was sitting in a pool of bright light.  "The sun's looking at me too hard."

Kids jokes-First hailstorm

A little boy aged 4, who had witnessed a hailstorm for the first time, exclaimed to his father,
"Daddy, it's raining dumplings!"