It's Going To Be A Rotten Day When...
*You wake up face down on the pavement.
*You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
*You see a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your office.
*Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
*You want to put the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
*You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
*Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
*Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angles onto the freeway.
*Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your hat.
*The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
*You wake up and your braces are locked together.
*You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
*Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
*Your income check bounces.
*You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
*Your pet rock snaps at you.
*Your wife says "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.