Single

Bubba went to a nice restaurant to have dinner. He had just started relishing the soup when a pretty young thing walked up to him and said, "Hey, are you single?"

Bubba could not believe his luck and somehow managed to blurt out, "Yes, yes."

So, she picked up the empty chair in front of him and walked away to her group of friends.

Hole in the heart

Jack invited Nicole on a date to celebrate V-day.

Nicole refused by saying, "Alex has already asked me out and I have said yes to him. You know he has a medical condition. With that hole in his heart, he has only a few days to live and I do not wish to disappoint the poor soul."

Jack fumed angrily and said, "That slimy snake! He is showing around the x-ray of his bum and asking all the girls out for a date!"

Passwords

R&D by the Indian lovers' association says that only 7% of people in love become life partners. The remaining end up as passwords!

Hide!

Grandpa said to Little Tommy, "Isn't that your class teacher walking in through the gate? She must have come to inquire why you missed school today? Go and hide somewhere."

Little Tommy replied, "Grandpa, YOU hide! I called her and told her you died today."

Discount on electronics

DMart was offering a big discount on some electronics. A refrigerator had a picture cut-out of a beautiful girl wearing a short skirt.

Bubba, who had come to the store with his wife to buy a refrigerator, was constantly staring at the picture of the girl. His wife hissed and said, "Let's go home Bubba. The offer is on the refrigerator only." 

Poem and essay

Johnny: What is the difference between a poem and an essay?

Barry: Even a word uttered by one's lover is like a poem while just one word uttered by one's wife is like an essay.

The importance of a husband

"Mom, I don't want to get married", said Ana to her mother. She continued, "Why is everyone interested in getting me married? Dad has been pestering me, Aunt Linda has broached the subject a dozen times. I am an independent woman and I do not need to be tied up with a man to spend the rest of my life. I am earning well, I am single and I am happy!"

Her mother tried to pacify her and said, "Darling, you are my most beautiful creation. You are young, ambitious and I am sure you will achieve a lot in your life. But even you will make mistakes in life like everyone else does. On such occasions, will you not need someone to blame? So please understand the importance of a husband."

Reciprocate

Tina asked her husband, "Why did you not attend the funeral of your friend's wife?"

Joe replied, "Because it is embarrassing. I have attended funerals of 2 of his wives and this is the death of his third wife, while I have never been able to reciprocate."

Marrying Grandma

Little Tommy says to his father, "Daddy, I want to get married soon."

His father asked, "Why is that?"

Little Tommy replied, "I don't know but I want to get married. If you don't find a bride for me, I will marry grandma."

His father was amused and asked, "But why will you marry my mother?"

Little Tommy replied, "If you married my mother, why can't I marry yours?"

Open a book

Tom, while scolding his son, said, "Why don't I ever see you study? Never seen you open a book."

The teen replied, "I do open a book every day."

Tom asked, "And which one is that??"

The teen said, "Facebook!"

All about birds

Miss Monica, the English teacher asked the little Tom, "Do you know all about birds?"

Little Tom replied, "Yes, madam. I do."

Miss Monica asked, "Tell me which bird cannot fly."

Little Tom replied, "A dead one!"

One sided love

Billy said to his friend, "What is your view on one-sided love?"

Joey says, "I think I would prefer it over both-sided love. When love is on both sides, sometimes it culminates into marriage!" 

Seeing the doc

Alex went to see Dr. Jones and sneezed the moment he walked in the doc's cabin.

The doctor asked, "Flu?"

Alex said, "No, I took a bus."

The honeymoon offer

Elena went to see a travel agent and asked him, "Do you have any cheap honeymoon offers?"

The travel agent replied, "Of course, we have. 3 nights and 4 days in Zurich only for $1500 only."

Elena asked, "Anything cheaper than that?"

The travel agent said, "3 nights & 4 days in Bangkok for $1000 only."

Elena further asked, "Anything cheaper than that?"

The travel agent said, "2 nights & 3 days in Malaga for $750."

Elena, still not happy with the price, asked, "Anything cheaper?"

The travel agent replied, "Yes. 9 nights and 10 days in Paris, London and Rome. You will be booked in the honeymoon suite of the best 5 star hotels.Food, hotel stay, all travel expenses and sight seeing will be free."

Elena was excited and exclaimed, "Wow! What a super offer! What's the catch?"

The travel agent smiled and replied, "The husband will be provided by us!"