Animal jokes-Inside

Tom : Why do mommy kangaroos hate rainy days?

Jerry : Because then the kids have to play inside.

One line jokes-So bald

A co-actor taunted Vin Diesel by saying: 
You are so bald, I can see what you're thinking.

Really funny jokes-Unused textbook for sale

In my college, posters offering used textbooks for sale are pasted on the college notice board at the beginning of each trimester.

One of them read: "Introduction to Marketing, $12, never used."
The card was signed, "Seller in hurry."

The next day a note had been added: "Fair price. Are you sure it's never been used?" Signed, "Prospective buyer."

Below in a different hand was: "Positive!" Signed, "Professor who graded his exam."

Clean jokes-City boy

Justin, a city kid went on his first camping trip with the scouts. He was eating his lunch under the shade of a tree when an old man came along.

'It smells like rain,' the old man said to the boy.

Justin replied, 'I was told it was lemonade.'

Really funny jokes-Sensitive stuff

Three Aussie guys, Shane, Ricky and Jeff, were working on a high-rise building project in Wagga Wagga. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Ricky says, 'Someone should go and tell his wife.'
Jeff says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.

Ricky says, 'Where did you get that, Jeff?'

'Shane's wife gave it to me.'

Ricky continues, 'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?'

'Well not exactly,' Jeff said. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Shane's widow."

She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'

And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are.'

Short funny jokes-Scared of water

Donald: It's strange to find my wife so scared of water.

Tony: How do you find out?

Donald: I reached home early from work yesterday and found her in the bath tub with the security guard!

Really funny jokes-Little Johnny's school days

Miss Patricia decided to start her class with a new assignment, so she began writing furiously on the blackboard. The assignment being a big one, she had to stretch herself to write from the top of the board.

She heard a chuckle and instantly recognized the voice. She turned around and demanded, "What did you find so funny, Jerry?"

Jerry replied, "I just saw one of your garters."

Miss Patricia thundered, "Get out of my class this very moment and I don't want to see your face for a full week."

She turned back to writing on the blackboard. She had omitted to write the title of the chapter due to the distraction, so she stretched harder to scribble on the top of the board. A louder giggle echoed in the room and she quickly turned around to ask, "Will you share the joke with the class, Mike?"

Mike replied sheepishly, "I just saw both of your garters."

She shouted, "Get out of my class. And stay out for a month."

Embarrassed by the happenings, she dropped the marker and as she bent over to pick it up, Miss Patricia heard loud laughter. As she prepared herself for another round of firing, she noticed Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going, young man?" Miss Patricia boomed.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

Hilarious jokes-Pilot in trouble

A desperate pilot contacts tower to say, "I am in a situation - 400 miles from land, 500 feet over water and fast running out of fuel. Please give instructions! "

"Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, which art in heaven...'"

French jokes

Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France?
Because she has only one arm raised.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.