Hilarious jokes-Unpaid bills

Rick, a retail merchant sent an order to a manufacturer for 10,000 t-shirts amounting to $ 70000.

The manufacturer, noting that the previous bill hadn't been paid, told the accounts manager to check it. The accounts manager sent an e-mail to Rick saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the previous one."

The next day the accounts manager received a reply from Rick. It said, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

Really funny jokes-Pilots and engineers

Almost all airline pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilots: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilots: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilots: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what they're for.

Pilots: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilots: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilots: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilots: Target radar hums
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilots: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.

And perhaps, the best one for last...

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget.

Good jokes-Ethical dilemma

Salim, the sly merchant was teaching his son Suleiman the secrets of his business.

He said, "When you charge a customer $ 50 for a commodity, and he pays you $100 erroneously, you have an ethical dilemma - should you tell your partner?"

Animal jokes-Blouse making business

Tom: What name did the lady dinosaur give to her company that made ladies t-shirts?

Jerry: Try Sara's Tops.

Really funny jokes-Buying Turkey

Alice entered a butcher shop just when it was about to close.

She said to the butcher, "Thank God I made it in time! Do you have any chicken?"

The butcher opened his refrigerator and took out his only chicken, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs three and a half pounds.

"Don't you have anything bigger?" Alice asks.

The butcher returns the chicken to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the chicken. The scale shows four and a half pounds.

"Great!" says Alice. "I'll have both of them please."

Lawyer jokes-Hilarious answer

Lawyer Kurt: Did the woman standing in the passage subsequently reveal her identity?
Witness: Yes, that's right.

Lawyer Kurt: Who did she say she was?
Witness (seemingly inebriated) : She said she was the owner of the dog's wife.

Really funny jokes-Unmistakable signs you are a drunk

Unmistakable Signs you are a Drunk

# You spent Saturday night in jail for cow-pushing — with your Ford V-8

# Although armed with fire extinguishers, your family stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.

# Thanks to you, Bourbon Deluxe Bourbon stock is up 15 1/4 since Thursday.

# Vladimir Putin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.

# For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal.

# For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the car.

# You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.

# Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.

# Smirnoff wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

# Dry cleaners and hotel employees greet you with, "Look, it's the Vomit guy!"

# The doorman asks for your identification just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.

# Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.

# Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.

# You have to be told "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.

Hilarious jokes-Firing squad

Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney were set to face a firing squad in Mexico. Sarah Palin was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given, she yelled out, "Cyclone!"

The firing squad panicked and Sarah, taking the opportunity, managed to escape.

Newt Gingrich was next to be placed against the wall. The squad collected again and Newt wondered if he could try his luck. So, just before the firing order was given, he shouted, "Twister!"

Again the squad ran helter skelter and Newt, taking advantage of the situation, gave them the slip.

Now, it was Mitt Romney's turn and he was placed against the wall. He thought to himself, "I can play the same game - I just have to scream out something about a disaster and escape."

As the guns were raised in his direction, he confidently screamed, "Fire!"

Really funny jokes-Governor's grammar

Texas governors in the early 1900s were not known to be very educated. One such character called Ferguson thought "grammar" was his father's mother.

On a sunny day, Ferguson decided to go hunting but he forgot his gun. He called his secretary and asked him to send the gun.

"I cannot hear you properly," shouted the secretary into the phone. "Can you please spell the last word."

Ferguson yelled, "It's 'G' as in Jesus; 'U' as in onion; 'N' like in pneuma G-U-N, you idiot!"